Out Of The Blue
by TheQueenWriter
Summary: "The day I found my soul, I felt it die inside of me." Edward has loved Bella since he was 15, when tragedy separated them. A chance encounter gives them an opportunity to reconnect. Will this OOTB encounter change their lives?
1. Chapter 1

_**E/N**_

_**This is something that has been on the backburner for a while now. Any comments are welcome. If it seems that people are interested, I may post more chapters. QoH**_

* * *

><p>"How can I love you, B, when I don't even love myself?" His words were hard, cold. But I knew he cared. We had known each other forever. Most of our lives. Jasper was my best friend and at times, much more.<p>

"I just," my words were quiet. "I want you to know, that I do. I do love you. You don't have to say it back. I didn't mean for you to feel put upon." My fingers twisted in cold knots.

Jasper pushed his sloppy blonde hair away from his face. His blue eyes looking down at where I sat on the end of his bed. His face was blank, resembling a zombie, there was nothing going on in there. He was stoned out of his mind. The drugs, so he said, helped him to forget how useless he was. I knew differently though. His family loved him. His aunt and uncle had taken him in when he was younger. His mom had run out on him, for reasons he had never fully disclosed to me. Even though he swore I was his closest friend.

"Look, Bella." He turned his back on me. "You really need to not love someone like me. I am a total fuckup. I have nothing to offer you." His shoulders slumped forward. "Just go home, Bella. Go home. I don't want to do this tonight."

I was fighting the tears. They stung at the back of my eyes and my vision started to blur.

"Please, Jasper, please don't send me away. I want to be here with you. Please, just, don't push me."

He reached toward the bedroom door and opened it, his silent cue that it was time for me leave. I stood, my feet unwilling to move me forward. Instead, I wrapped my arms around him from behind, breathing his scent. Cigarettes and dryer sheets. His posture stiffened, I could feel his ribs under my arms, his breathing halted for a second and I felt him relax into my embrace.

Against all hope, I felt him pull away. I walked slowly around him and turned back.

"You are my very best friend, Jasper. I love you." My keys jingled in the pocket of my sweatshirt. "See you tomorrow."

As I walked down the stairs of his house, his little brother, cousin in all actuality, was coming up the stairs. Edward nodded at me from under his tangled mass of copper hair and I kept going, out the front door, having no idea that it would be the last time that I would see Jasper.

"_The day I found my soul, I felt it_

_Die inside of me, yeah._

_So I turn to you; life is_

_Like that, you know._

_I have your face_

_In a photo in high school,_

_When you were alive,_

_But that's all I have._

_And I can't remember_

_Who I was myself, then._

_And it doesn't help;_

_Still I look to you as a friend_

_To tell me:_

_Who we are now, who we are._

_It's who we are now, who we are._

_Where does time go now,_

_On a wake for young souls?_

_You tell me,_

_Who we are now, who we are._

_Where does time go now,_

_On a wake for young souls?_

_Like a lullaby, you sing:_

_Oh, ooo. Oh, ooo. Oh, ooo, ooo._

_Well, the wind that blows..._

_It's blowing colder._

_And the child that grows..._

_She's growing older._

_And the friends we've known,_

_They'll turn a shoulder._

_The friends we know,_

_They're growing colder, so..._

_It's who we are now, who we are."_

_Third Eye Blind_

_-Wake For Young Souls-_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**  
><strong>I am taking this story slowly. The characters have become more dynamic than I had originally planned and it is throwing my entire story for a loop. I will continue to post a chapter here and there as I feel comfortable with how things will go. Thank you so much for sticking with me.<strong>

* * *

><p>I stretched lazily in bed. Feeling every muscle pull and relax like jello. Even before opening my eyes, I knew the sun was out. I could sense the light coming from behind the yellow curtains that hung over my windows. I rolled over, flopping my arm out to the right side of the bed. I sighed a quiet content sound when it hit the mattress unhindered.<p>

Riley had already started moving his things out. I was sleeping alone. I was happy though. Things were obviously not meant to be if he was ready to go back east. I was a Seattle girl, through and through. I wasn't willing to make the move, which said heaps about where I was with commitment at this point in my life. I wasn't in it to win it, as they say. At 27, most of my friends were happily married and starting families of their own. I was just too happy being single. Unattached. I liked my independence. Treasured it.

I finally rolled out of bed and made my way to the bathroom for a shower. I had a full day of unscheduled bliss in front of me and I was using it to build on my portfolio.

As I slipped on my favorite jeans and a white tshirt, I sipped the coffee that had brewed up hot and delicious in the kitchen. There was nothing I loved more than my coffee in the morning. I couldn't function without it.

I slid my feet into a pair of faded red Chuck's, grabbed my camera bag and locked the apartment door behind me.

The cab ride into downtown Seattle was uneventful. When the driver reached our destination, I handed him a twenty, flashed a bright smile and closed the door.  
>I stood on the busy sidewalk and took a moment to just enjoy the sights and scents of the city that I loved. It was one of those bright sunny days where nothing could go wrong and everything felt perfect in the world.<p>

It was close to lunch, the sidewalks were filling quickly with suits and skirts. I ran across the street and into a little coffee shop before they became too busy. I placed my order and was headed back out into the sunshine in no time.

I smiled as I grabbed a spot on a bench further up the street. I took a moment to unearth my camera and slide a new memory card into its slot before pulling the strap around my neck. As I untwisted the strap and pulled my bag back over my head and shoulder, I finished off my second cup of coffee for the day, dropping the paper cup neatly into a trash can. I took off on foot, in search of my inspiration.  
>I went around the corner of an old brick building, weathered and tattered, I laid down on my back, and angled the camera so that I could get the entire side of the building in my shot. The blue sky contrasted with the dark brick.<p>

_Gorgeous. _

I studied the brick a bit longer, taking a few more shots as people shuffled around me. Some grumbling, others pointing at the weird girl on the ground. _Meh. Whatever._ Nothing was going to steal my smile.

I wandered through the downtown area for another hour, grabbed a few California rolls and sat curbside for a quickie lunch. The sidewalks were quieting now that most everyone had gone back to their desks for the day. I couldn't imagine being tied to a cubical or desk all day every day. I think I would lose my mind.

Clouds were making their way across the sky as I dug into my bag to pull on my favorite red knit hoodie. I zipped it and looked up just in time to see a little girl across the street with her mom, eating an ice cream cone. She was absolutely adorable and I pulled my camera up to snap a few pictures. Little globs of pink on her lips and nose. I couldn't help but laugh. I was getting ready to walk over to them and give her mom my card so that I could send her the photos later when something caught my eye. Someone. Oh, man. Yes, a man.

I could only see his back, he was standing in front of a little coffee vendor. He was all sorts of tall, broad shoulders. My finger depressed the shutter button without thinking. His hair was trimmed neat and tidy at the back of his neck, but the top was longer and blowing around in the breeze.

_Click click._

Wow. I hadn't even seen his face and I was fully in lust. He wore dark slacks and a white cotton shirt, the sleeves were rolled to mid forearm. Nice arms. Jesus. I quickly looked around, making sure no one was calling the cops on my perverted ass for stalking the stranger.

He turned slightly, I could see his profile, just barely. Clean shaven. Strong angled jaw. My god. I could be hit by a bus right now and I would die happy.

_Click click._

He was sipping from the to-go cup. His tongue ran across his lips, catching a drop of the caffeinated liquid. I groaned. Out loud. He turned and I was panting as my lens gave me a gorgeous view of his full lips and sculpted cheekbones.

_Click click._

He was absolutely beautiful. I couldn't tell what color his eyes were from here. I would just have to let my imagination do the work later. I was completely lost in thought as I stared at him from behind my camera. A bus was definitely going to have hit me, because I couldn't stop staring to save myself.

As I rocked the shutter button again, his eyes landed on me. Well, not me, per-say, but my camera.  
>I felt the tell tale flush creeping up my neck. <em>Shit shit shit!<em>He saw me. His head tilted as he stared back, as if he were trying to place me.

_Sorry, Mister Hottie, we have never met, but I would love to. _

I felt the heat reach my cheeks as he took a step toward the curb on his side of the street. Oh shit! Was he going to come over here and yell at me? Oh god. Please. I am so not a creeper. I promise. But I just couldn't seem to stop staring.

I watched as an eyebrow lifted above one eye. Blatant curiosity crossed his face and then, he said my name. I didn't hear it. I saw it. I saw his perfect, beautiful, full lips mouth my name.  
>"Bella?"<p>

I stumbled as I brought myself to full height and my camera dropped around my neck. Who the hell is this guy and how the hell does he know my name? I was positive we had never met before, I would never have forgotten his face. I took a step backwards on the sidewalk and tripped on the corner of a garbage can.

I looked back across the street to see Mister Hottie laughing quietly. _What. The. Fuck._

I twisted my lips and raised an eyebrow at him in my best, bitch please, I could muster. He didn't stop laughing. As a matter of fact, I think he laughed harder. And then, he stepped off the curb and starting walking across the street toward me.

I should run. I should turn around and walk away. But I was so damn curious. Not to mention, my hormones were dancing around as if they had never been introduced to the male species before.

His black shiny dress shoe stepped up the curb in front of me, his smile never wavering. Oh, god, green. Dark green eyes. My panties twisted and my insides squirmed.

"Bella?" His voice was low, not too deep, but smooth. Velvety smooth and I felt a warm chill move swiftly up my spine. I stared straight into his eyes.

"Umm, yes?" My teeth bit into my lower lip. Honestly, I couldn't have been more ridiculous if I tried.  
>His smile widened and one hand went straight through the top of his hair. It was as if he were at once happy and stressed.<p>

I just stood and waited for him to say something else.

"Edward." His smile wavered as I squinted up at him. Edward? He cleared his throat. "Edward, uh, Cullen."

Oh my god. No. No way was this man the scrawny, nappy haired kid I remembered. In an instant, memories rushed over me. Memories I had kept buried deep, deep down inside. Locked away.

I must have looked shocked, because the next thing I knew, his hand shot out and gripped my elbow. I heaved out a garbled breath and attempted to regain my composure.

What do you say to someone who you really didn't give a second look to in school, even though they tried to be noticed? To someone who's cousin you had once been madly in love with.

"Edward. Wow."

That's what you say.

"_The ocean breathes salty, won't you carry it in?_

"_In your head, in your mouth, in your soul._

_The more we move ahead the more we're stuck in rewind._

_Well I don't mind. I don't mind. How the hell could I mind? "  
>-Ocean Breathes Salty-<br>Modest Mouse_


	3. Chapter 3

"_One day you'll have to let it go._

_One day, you'll stand up on your own,_

_Remember losing hope,_

_Remember feeling low,_

_Remember all the feelings and the day they stopped."_

"_Innocent"  
>-Our Lady Peace- <em>

_I sat on the worn, threadbare couch in the basement of the Cullen's house. Jasper sat on the floor, his back against the couch between my legs, playing some new video game.  
>My fingers lazily stroked the uneven strands of blonde hair at the back of his head. Twisting pieces into small braids. I could smell cigarette smoke and the patchouli incense that he burned to cover our tracks when he hid the bong in the bottom of a closet.<br>I glanced up as Jasper's little brother came down the stairs. His stringy red hair fell over his face, bony arms hung limp at his sides and as he stood at the bottom of the stairs, contemplating whether or not he was going to stay, he watched me. His eyes trained on my fingers as they moved slowly through Jasper's hair. _

_I felt the couch shift when he sat. He mumbled a quiet, "Hey." and proceeded to stare at the tv. _

_I glanced at him from the corner of my eye a few times. His nose was a tad too large for his face, his skin looked oily and his hair needed to be washed. And cut. _

_Jasper stood a while later, grabbing my hand and pulling me to the stairs.  
>"Going to get some Taco Bell, Mase, want to come?" <em>

I stood on that sidewalk, staring at Edward Cullen. Edward. Not Mase. His hand was burning a hole in my arm as he tried to steady me. Holy hell. The most beautiful man in the world was standing in front of me, a look of concern spread across his gorgeous face, and all I could think about was Jasper. And my heart broke all over again.

"We should sit. You look like you're going to puke." Edward laughed quietly and helped me to a small bench nearby. His hand never left my arm and as I sat, he sat and our thighs touched and I swear, if it had been anyone other than him, I would have jumped in his lap and stuck my tongue down his throat.  
>Propping my elbows on my knees, I rested my forehead in my hands and stared at my shoes. He was silent. I assumed he was just as surprised to walk into this part of his past as I was to stumble into it. Even after years of therapy and medication, sleepless nights and days that felt so long I could swear they would never end, everything was raw. I remembered it as though it happened yesterday. I felt a small panic attack low in my stomach and started breathing deeply in an attempt to keep it at bay.<p>

With my eyes steady on my shoes I spoke.

"Ten years. It's been ten years." I turned my head and looked at him, "Thank god you cut your hair."

Laughter spilled from his lips. His eyes twinkled and scrunched slightly at the corners. The nose that had once been a tad too large for his face, was absolutely stunning now. Straight and proud. But when he laughed, his entire face looked dorky, causing me to laugh right along with him.

"Yeh, I decided that the long hair wasn't working for me. The chicks didn't dig it." He winked and my knees went weak.  
>Time to get my hormones in check. This is little Mase. Uhh, well, Edward, and he wasn't little, he was tall, and masculine and delicious and oh god, I just wanted one taste of those perfect lips.<p>

_Bella, girl, get your head on straight. He's probably married._

I glanced at his left hand, no ring.

_Okay, so he's not married, but he's Jasper's little brother. Cousin. Brother. Whatever. Either way, this will never work out._

"So, you're back in the city, huh?" I tugged at the cuffs of my sweatshirt. "How long have you been back?"

**~xOx~**

_I watched her talking to my mom. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever known. Even in her jeans and oversized shirts, she was just the epitome of beautiful to me. Her brown eyes were huge and made her look more vulnerable and innocent than she was. She didn't even know I existed, and man, did that do something to my pride. She would stare at Jasper as though the sun rose for him alone, and look right through me as if I were a ghost. She was in __**my **__house and I still didn't get much more from her than a nod, or small smile. The pity smile for the little "brother". The tag-a-long. Jasper was the luckiest asshole, and I don't think he honestly even knew it. Knew what he had right there, in his hands. _

_I had cleared my throat and walked into the kitchen, my mom turned and smiled and Bella looked into my eyes and though I wished for that smile, all I got was a nod and a quiet, "Hey, Mase." And I would cling to that fucking 'hey' for weeks. Months. Jesus. I was a complete idiot. _

"I've been back for a while." I watched her, I could see the shock written on her face, the panic in her eyes, the sadness. I was trained to noticed these things. To read people. It was what I did for a living. It was my passion.

"I didn't realize that you were still around. Though, I guess I should have known." I couldn't help the smile that crept across my lips. "You've always loved this city."

Something flashed in her eyes. Surprise? That I knew her even that well? I shrugged and added, "I paid attention. I listened."

Her face tilted and what I would have given to have been somewhere private, because every time I looked at her, I wanted to pull her into my arms and do anything and everything that she would allow me to get away with.

But I knew better. After Jasper, I was pretty sure than any chance of anything happening between her and I was slim to none.

"So, Edward now?" She was using her right hand to absently press tiny buttons on her camera while it rested in her lap. I don't know how many times over the last ten years I had thought of her. A million, or more, easily. She was definitely more beautiful in person than she was in my memory. I never attempted to find her after we left town. First of all, we were never close and second, I figured that I would just make things harder for her. Being in her life. A constant reminder. She needed to heal, as did I.

"Yeh, Edward it is. I've been going by my first name for about ten years now." The hurt in her eyes made me want to punch something. She stared at me for a moment, her lips parted as if she were about to say something when her phone started singing, "Dude looks like a lady..." I laughed. Her cheeks turned a nice shade of pink and she tore into the bag she had been toting around. As she pulled the phone out and looked at the caller ID, her lips frowned slightly.

_Hmmm, interesting. _


	4. Chapter 4

"_He was different at first_

_But then he won't understand_

_Because he's never gonna know me_

_If he doesn't want to just shake my hand"_

"_Lingering Still"  
>-She &amp; Him- <em>

I fumbled the phone in my hands as I scrambled to answer it.

_Riley. _

He still had boxes and things at the apartment. He was probably calling to find out when he could come by to pick things up and finish packing.

I raised a finger to Edward and whispered an apology for having to take the call in the middle of our conversation. Truth be told, it felt like I was being saved by the bell. Or Aerosmith, whichever.

I stood and felt the forgotten weight of my camera pull at my neck as it rested heavily under my chest.

"Hey, Riley... what's up?" I tapped a finger on the shutter button and heard the familiar click as I took a photograph of my shoe. I grinned.

"Tonight's good for me, if you're available." Wouldn't want to rush things.. right? There were no hard feelings between the two of us. We had been together for over a year, but it just wasn't _there_ between us. These things happened. The sex was good. I think that's what kept us both coming back for more, pun intended.

"Okay, sooooo, I'll see you at seven." I nodded to myself and said goodbye to Riley. I pressed the end button as I turned back to Edward. He looked a little flustered, or embarrassed?

Oh that my slutty side wanted to jump on him and suck on that full bottom lip. The one that his tongue just licked. This is awkward. I forced my gaze to eyes and I saw a twinkle of appreciation there.

_Yeh, I noticed you. _

I let out a soft sigh and moved to sit back down next to him. A breeze came in off the water and sent a chill down my neck. I lifted the hood of my sweatshirt and covered my hair.

This was Edward. Quiet, shy, scraggly haired Edward. Nothing. Absolutely nothing, was going to happen between us.

Even if I hadn't dated his cousin, I hadn't exactly been very friendly to him. Not that I was a bitch, but I was seventeen. I was blind and selfish and completely stupid. Aren't we all at that age? Especially when we're in love.

~xOx~

"Boyfriend?"

Jesus! What the hell was wrong with me? Like it mattered if she had someone in her life. It's not like I owned her. Though she owned a huge piece of me. Always had. Seeing her again was stirring up old feelings. Feelings I thought had faded. Perhaps they had, but Bella sitting next to me, her flowery sweet scent teasing me, I wanted to make a meal of her. Lay her out across my bed, taste every inch of her creamy, soft skin. Dammit. If I didn't control myself, everyone was going to know exactly what was going on in my depraved head. I tried to adjust myself discreetly, did her eyes just look at my crotch?

_Hell yeh, baby. All for you._

I mentally slapped myself and focused on the issue at hand. Bella. And her potential boyfriend. Which would put a huge crimp in my plans.

_You have plans?_

"Riley? No. Not my boyfriend. Anymore." Her teeth pressed into her lower lip. I felt my eyebrow raise involuntarily. _Not anymore? _

"Oh. Well, I'm sorry to hear that." I wasn't truly sorry, but if she was hurting, I would kick his ass for her if she asked. Even if she didn't.

I looked at my watch and realized that I needed to get back to my office soon, I had one last appointment before I was free for the evening.

"I really, beyond measure, hate to do this, but I have to get back to my office. I have one last appointment today in about fifteen minutes." I grabbed for my phone and realized that it was in my jacket pocket, hanging on the back of my chair in my office.

I groaned.

"Bella, I would love to see you again. Catch up? I left my phone in my office. If you want, maybe I can just give you my number and you can call or text me if you want to?" Why was I fumbling here? Like a fifteen year old with no game whatsoever.

It was Bella. She did it for me.

Thank god I wasn't seeing Lauren anymore. Things had gone south months ago, but she just finally got the hint a few weeks ago that I was serious when I said I didn't want to see her again.

As Bella once again played with her phone, the red blush moved across her neck, up her cheeks and ended with that lip between her damn teeth again. I had to force my fingers not to respond. To not reach out and pull her mouth to mine.

I quickly read off my cell number and watched her enter it into her dilapidated BlackBerry.

"I look forward to hearing from you, Bella." God knows why, but I reached out with one finger and tucked a lone strand of hair behind her ear. Her eyes widened as I touched her, her lips parted.

_What was that, Cullen? No claim, remember? Such a douchebag. _

I stood and quickly made my way across the street and back toward my office. If I sat with her a minute longer, I was going to do something a lot more stupid than touching her hair. And I really didn't feel like being arrested for public indecency.

No time to stop for another cup of coffee. I don't think my nerves could handle another dose of caffeine at this point anyway. Bella had shot through my veins like a drug. And I was already hooked. Fuck. I'm screwed.

I blew past Kate, my receptionist slash secretary, with a nod and went straight into my office. I sat down at my desk and immediately tried to relax myself for my last patient. I dug around in my desk drawer for a bottle of motrin. I could feel the tell-tale signs of a migraine coming on. My temples were throbbing. I needed to get through this last session and get home.

To bed.

Alone.

To think about Bella.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**  
>Fair warning... next chapter will have a lemons. ;)<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

"_The ashtray says_

_You were up all night_

_When you went to bed_

_With your darkest mind_

_Your pillow wept_

_And covered your eyes_

_And you finally slept_

_While the sun caught fire."_

"_A Shot in the Arm"  
>~Wilco~<em>

_I felt the emptiness in his room, even though everything was still the same. I stood in the middle of the carpeted floor and stared at the book shelf stuffed with papers, sketch books, history books and fiction of all sorts. Everything in alphabetical order. Dirty clothes on the floor in a pile. A flannel shirt slung over the back of his chair. I reached out and dragged two fingers across the bare mattress. The sheets were gone. The blanket gone. No pillow. Yet everything else, remained untouched. The tears wouldn't come and I feared I may be losing my mind._

_When the Cullen's had allowed me in here to say one final goodbye, I was beyond grateful. So thankful that they would allow me this closure. _

_I grabbed the shirt off the chair, shrugged my arms into the sleeves and sat quietly on the floor, in the middle of the room. _

_Esme had told me to take what I wanted. If I wanted anything. _

_I want him back. I didn't want his books and his drawings. I didn't want his old shirt. I just wanted him.  
>As my eyes roamed across the room, I noticed a small box under his bed. I leaned from my spot and used my fingertips to drag it slowly out into the open. It was wooden, about the size of a shoebox, and his named was carved in script on top.<br>I flipped the brass latch and opened the lid. Papers. Lots of lined papers, folded in half. I pulled out the top page and opened it. There, in his sloppy handwriting, was a letter to me. I struggled to breathe as I read it. I pulled another sheet out, and again, another letter to me. There were twenty letters in all. When I had pulled them all out, laying at the bottom of the box was a photo of me, and Jasper. His arm around my shoulders, both of us smiling. And under that photo, was one of him and Edward, their faces sticking out of a tent laughing.  
>I placed everything back in that box, tucked it under my arm, and whispered one last goodbye to the boy that I loved. I closed the bedroom door behind me and walked out of the Cullen house for the last time. <em>

~xOx~_  
><em>

I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard a knock at the door and then a key turning the lock. I jumped up from the couch and went to greet Riley.

"Hey, Bee Girl." He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and hugged me.

I got the lovely nickname Bee Girl after dressing like the little girl from the Blind Melon video for a Halloween party one year. It seemed to fit.

"Hey yourself." I mumbled into his shoulder before stepping back. He smiled at me, held up a few boxes and then moved to the back room to start working.  
>I wandered off to the kitchen to find a snack. I had made chocolate chip cookies yesterday, so I piled a few on a plate and went to sit with Riley while he worked.<p>

"Sweet... cookies." He shoved a whole one into his mouth and then tried to thank me before chewing. I rolled my eyes and laughed at him.

"You're quite welcome." I eyed the box he was loading, books. So many books. "Did you bring enough boxes to get everything packed?" I highly doubted the last of his things were going to fit in the three small boxes he had assembled. As he scanned the items left, and the space he had for said items, I could see on his face that he knew it wasn't going to work.

"Yeh, so about me getting everything done today?" He laughed. "I'm sorry, Bella. You've been nothing but cool about me taking my time, I totally appreciate it."

"No worries. It's not like I'm going anywhere. Take your time." I saw hurt in his eyes at my comment. I knew he wanted me to go with him. But I wasn't ready for that. The commitment to another person.

He nodded stiffly and went back to his packing. I took that as a sign to remove myself from the situation and went back to the living room.

I pulled out my laptop and fired it up. If I wasn't going to be of any help to Riley, I may as well get some work done.

I had an article to write for a local magazine. It wasn't a huge gig, but Jake, the editor, always gave me something fun to write about, or to snap photos of.

He and I met in college, had one drunken night of debauchery and then we both did the walk of shame the next morning from a dorm room neither of us recognized. We decided then and there that we should just remain friends.

Trust me though, when I say, Jake has the rockinest bod I have ever seen. All tan skin, tight muscles and a smile that could melt panties all the way across the quad. Hell, he was still melting panties everywhere he went. It's almost impossible to go anywhere social with him and not have women shoving their cleavage, phone numbers and asses at him. Having a beer with Jake was always comical. He handles the attention pretty well. Surprisingly, he's not much of a man whore.

I laughed quietly to myself as I typed.

I was just finishing up my article and getting ready to back it up and then email a copy to Jake, when I heard Riley come out of the back room. He had two cartons with him, filled, and glanced down at my computer.

"More work for Jake, huh?" He shifted the boxes in his arms slightly. "I'm going to miss that dude." His eyes shifted to the door. "Mind helping a guy out and opening the door for me? I need to come back with a few more boxes for the rest and then I should be done."

I jumped up and walked to the door with him.

As I went to open it, I tripped over the small rug in the hall. I laughed as I crashed into the door. It's always something with me.

"Well, that's gonna leave a nice bruise." I rubbed my right shoulder and shook my head. "Can't take me anywhere." As I righted myself, I looked back at Riley and realized he was trying not to laugh.

"Oh just do it. Laugh already." And he did. Loudly. I love his laugh. I would genuinely miss him when he moved.

"Come by any time, Ri. You have the key if I'm not here." I leaned in and kissed his cheek and we said our goodbyes.

I locked up the apartment and slumped against the door letting out a large sigh.

It had been a very long day. A very long, interesting day.

"Time to take your tired ass to bed, Bella." I muttered to myself.

I finished my backup of the article and sent the email to Jake with a note on the bottom asking if he wanted to grab a burger and some beers tomorrow night. I hadn't seen him in a few weeks and was beginning to miss him.

I stripped out of my jeans and shirt and crawled into bed with my phone and a book.

_Do I text him? _

I looked at the clock, it was just barely ten, was that too late? Did he go to bed early? Would it come off as too eager if I sent him a message so soon?

I closed my eyes and when I opened them I pulled his name up in my contacts and chewed my lip as I thought of something to say.

It took me almost twenty minutes to send one stupid text message.

_**Hi, Edward, it's Bella. Now you have my number. Feel free to use it any time. **_

After I sent the damn thing, I smacked myself in the forehead. How lame am I? I couldn't even come up with something witty to say.

_Lame, Bella. Lame. _

~xOx~

I came straight home from work. I didn't hit the gym, for which Emmett called and gave me a ration of shit.

"Lay off, Em. I'm telling you, it was a long day and I have a migraine. Don't fuck with me today."

It was at that point that he laughed obnoxiously loud, right into the phone and I hung up on him. Son of a bitch, that hurt.

I peeled my clothes off, throwing them in a hamper and immediately turned the shower on. I prayed that the hot water would help relax all the muscles that had been tightening since running into Bella earlier.

Fuck. Bella. Her big brown eyes, her teeth biting into her lower lip. My cock was starting to take note of my wandering thoughts.

_Bella, in my shower, naked. Her satin skin sliding against mine. Her lips, her tongue. _

I groaned, my forehead leaned against the cool tile of the shower wall as I stroked myself.

_Bella, begging me. My fingers grabbing her tight round ass and pulling her closer. Thrusting deep inside her tight wet body. _

A loud growl erupted from my chest as I came.

_Jesus!_

I was panting and fighting regain my composure. Of all the women in all the world, it had to be the one that I couldn't ever have. Fuck. I was beyond screwed.

But I would be the best friend she could ever ask for, that much I could do. And if my mind wandered when we weren't together, there was nothing wrong with that, was there?

I was laying in bed, watching the news when my phone buzzed.

I picked it up, expecting some more shit talk from Emmett, but it was a number I didn't recognize.

Bella.

I sat up straight and stared at the words for a while and then saved her number and hit reply.

_**Well, hello there, Bella. Would you care to meet me for dinner one night this week to catch up?**_

I hit send and grinned.

She'd come. I know she would. I saw her eyeing me today, and even if she didn't push for anything romantic, she was still interested. And interest was enough to get her going. She had always been curious back in the day. That was going to work to my advantage.

I had a second chance, I was going to try my hardest to get her to notice me this time. If she shoots me down, so be it, but I needed to know.


	6. Chapter 6

"_And in the end the words won't matter_

_'Cause in the end nothing stays the same_

_And in the end dreams just scatter and fall like rain"_

"_All We Are"  
>~Matt Nathanson~<em>

"Bellllla! Girl!" Arms made of steel wrapped around me and just about choked the life out of me.

I gasped out laughter as Jake kissed my forehead.

"Where have you been hiding, sexy?" I kissed his chin and hugged him back.

He wiggled a dark eyebrow at me and smirked, "Don't go callin' me sexy, Swan. We swore it was a one night affair years ago. You keep it up and I might make it two nights." He winked and grabbed my hand as he pulled me to a booth in the back of the restaurant.

"Oh, Jake! I had no idea you still wanted to hit this." I shook my ass in his direction before sliding into the booth. Jake slid into the seat opposite me and grinned that panty dropping grin.

"Knock it off, Jacob. You know you have to buy me dinner first." I heard a gasp and looked up to see our waitress standing at the table.

_Woops._

I shrugged, leaned toward her and said, "He always goes for the panties before he buys dinner. I'm not that kind of girl."

Jacob laughed and the waitress looked ruffled. She took our drink order and left us alone to look over the menu.

"So, Bella, how are things? I mean, with Riley and everything. You okay?"

I love Jacob. He's hands down the most amazing friend I could have ever asked for.

"Doing good. We don't hate each other or anything, so it makes it a little easier. He came over last night to pack a few more boxes. There's still some stuff left over there, but I assume he'll be back over the next week or so to get it."

The waitress brought our drinks over and we both ordered the bacon cheese burger. I was starving. I had breakfast, but my lunch was a Clif bar while working in the field.

I took a big gulp from my margarita and Jake smiled at me.

"Long day?" He took a swig from his beer bottle.

"You could say that. Long _two_days." I looked down at my drink and felt him nudge my foot under the table. I knew this was the part where I was supposed to spill the beans. I wasn't sure I wanted to. Or what there was to spill.

"I don't know, Jake. I was out yesterday, and I ran into someone from my past." I shrugged. "He gave me his number, so we can get together and catch up." I took another long drink.

"Bella." He stood up and moved to my side of the table, sliding right up into me, pulling me into him.

"Talk to me. So, this guy, he gave you his number. Did you call him? Do I need to kick some mother fuckers ass? I swear, Bella, I'll take him out. You just say the word."

"No, Jake, you don't have to take him out." I laughed quietly. "Remember, when I told you about Jasper?" I swallowed back the lump in my throat. Jake nodded so I continued.

"I ran into his brother yesterday. Well, not his brother, they were cousins. But, he's here. In town. He lives here. He works downtown. He recognized me. He walked right up to me, Jake and said my name and I didn't even know who he was." I turned to look up at him. "It's been ten years. It took ten years for my past to waltz back into my life in the shape of a full grown Edward Cullen." I leaned into Jacob. My rock. I let him be there for me when I didn't want anyone around.

"Did you call him?" His hand rubbed my shoulder in gentle circles. "Do you want to catch up with him?"

"I can't explain it, Jake. I saw him, before he saw me, and I was checking him out. I mean, cheeeecking him out. After I found out who he was, I still wanted to jump him." I drank the last of my margarita and Jake set the glass at the end of the table and asked for another when a random waitress passed by.

"So, you think he's hot and you want to jump him. I fail to see where this is a bad thing. I mean, other than his relationship to your past." He tilted my chin so that I was looking into his soft brown eyes.

"Baby, you have to start to let go. You need to start to be okay with your past. It wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything but fall in love with a guy who was lonely and sad. You need to live for you, Bee Girl. You need to be happy." He kissed me softly and quickly. "And if you ever feel the need to get busy, and are still undecided on this Edward guy, my door is always open." He winked and smiled at me as I shoved his side.

"Shutup, Jake." I was laughing when the waitress brought out our food and more drinks. He didn't move back to his seat. Which I didn't mind at all.  
>"I texted him. Last night. He texted me back right away asking me out to dinner. I haven't replied yet." My second margarita was almost gone and I was thankful that I was getting a cab back to my place.<p>

"I don't want to geek out on him." I shrugged and ate another french fry. "He's beautiful, Jake. And we need to just be friends. It can't be anything more than that. It's too close to where I was and I feel almost guilty."

I polished off my burger and asked for a third drink. Jake raised an eyebrow at me but didn't say anything. He just reached over my plate and grabbed a fry.

"If this guy thinks you're a spazz, he's not worth it, babe. Go to dinner. You're going to end up kicking yourself in the ass if you don't. I know you." He finished his second beer and set the glass bottle on the table.  
>"On top of that, there's no reason for you to feel guilty. If you like the guy, you like the guy. You can't help it. And he's not Jasper, Bee. He's a completely different person. If nothing else, you could use another friend. Especially one who can relate to your feelings about the past."<p>

Why oh why does he always make so much sense? Damn him. A fry got lodged in my throat as he grabbed my phone, scrolled through the texts and started typing.

"What the hell are you doing!" I screeched.

He smirked.

"I'm taking care of business. I invited him to dinner at your place. Friday night. That gives you two days to figure out what you're going to make." He was still looking at my phone as he added, "I suggest the chicken terriyaki rice bowls. Those are always amazing. And make some of your cookies. He'll fall head over heels for you." He grinned and set my phone back down next my plate.

"Plus, I know for a fact you don't have anything going on Saturday morning, so, should you be up late, you know, "catching up", you can sleep in a bit."

My jaw dropped and I was about to go off on his ass when my phone chimed.

_**Friday at six. I'll be there, Bella. Talk to you soon. - E**_

I stared at my phone for what felt like an eternity. He leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Bow chica wow wow." His breath was warm and smelled like Blue Moon.

Jacob rode to my place in the cab, walked me to my door and made sure I got in okay. After he was gone, I went into the bathroom and soaked in a hot bubble bath.

What were Edward and I going to talk about Friday night? Was it going to be awkward? Hell yeh it was going to be awkward. I don't do well with awkward. I closed my eyes and rested my head back on a small bath pillow. This was not going to end well. I started making a mental list of the things I would need from the store to cook dinner Friday night and at the very top of that list was wine.


	7. Chapter 7

"_Kill the messenger_

_I swear it's not me_

_It's just someone I used to know_

_And get to church cause you're a good girl_

_And he never told you that_

_And all I need from you_

_Could be the thing that_

_Leaves us both up here forever"_

"_Kill the Messenger"_

_~Jack's Mannequin~_

* * *

><p>Thursday evening I was at the gym with Emmett, listening to him talk shit about my supposed flabby abs.<p>

"Give it up, Cullen. Your flabby abs and saggy ass aren't going to get you laid this weekend." He was spotting me while I was at the bench press.

"You're gonna have bat wings like Oprah if you keep eating pizza man. Gimme two more!" He guffawed at me loudly.

_I'm going to kill this jackass when I'm done._

I was already repping two sixty. I could feel the sweat dripping from my forehead and was looking forward to the four mile run I had coming next. At least I could turn my ipod on and ignore his stupid comments.

I dropped the bar with a loud clank and sat up glaring at Emmett.

"Man, you have got to shut your mouth. One of these days you're going to find my size fourteen in your ass." I reached for my water bottle as he tossed a towel at my face.

"Whatev brah! You got that hot date tomorrow night. You're going to be thanking me for talking mad shit about your gut. Makes you work harder." He started to walk away and called back over his shoulder, "Get your lazy ass up, Cullen! Let's do four on the treadmill."

I laughed and got up, grabbed some cleaning towels and wiped down the bench. Nothing disgusts me more than the slobs who walk away from a machine and leave their DNA dripping all over it.

I stepped up to a treadmill next to Emmett and was preparing to press my ear-buds into my skull when he looked over at me.

"So. Who's this chick, man? She hot? What's her name?" He was grinning like a twelve year old who had just seen his first pair of boobies in his dad's nudie magazine.

"Not talking about it, Em. She's special. That's all you need to know." I started a slow jog and left my ipod on the tray in front of me. I knew he was going to want to be chatty. God love him, but he could talk the ears off a deaf man.

"What? No info for me? She got something weird going on with her mug?" He waved one of his meaty paws in front of his face as he started up his machine, matching my pace.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, man?" I shook my head and tried to hide my smile. "No. She has nothing weird going on with her _mug_. She's beautiful." I smirked, "Which more than I can say for your ugly mug."

He made some sort of snorting choking noise and flipped me off.

"Right dude, that's why I got my hot as fuck Rosie at home and you have... what? Your hand?"

I let him have that one. He was right. What did I have? Feelings for someone who was so completely out of my reach that even if I took a space shuttle to the fucking moon, I wouldn't be able to touch her.

I increased my speed and settled in for the long haul.

"So."

Great, here we go again.

I laughed. "Go ahead, Emmett. What else do you want to know."

"Where did you meet her? Is she a patient? Dude. You banging a crazy chick? Because after Lauren, I thought you learned your lesson."

"I am not _banging_ her. And don't call my patients crazy." I paused for a moment to collect my thoughts. "In all honesty, I barely know her anymore. We knew each other when we were in high school. She's two years older than me. She dated Jasper." And I knew with that last statement, he'd shut up.

"Bella? You're having dinner with _the_ Bella, tomorrow night and you weren't going to tell me?" He shook his head in mock shame. "I thought what we had was special, man."

Or not.

"There isn't anything to tell, Em. I saw her the other day across the street from my office. I walked over and she didn't even recognize me. And then when she finally realized who I was, she looked like she was going to puke. It was a real ego booster, let me tell ya. I'm almost certain she hasn't dealt with everything yet. Ten years, Emmett." I looked down at the computer screen to read my distance.

Emmett stayed quiet. He knew about Jasper. He knew about Bella. He knew how I felt about her back then, but I didn't let on that I had given up a piece of my heart all those years ago.

"But she invited you to her place for dinner? She definitely wants to get to know you. Why not just meet out?" He grinned. "She wants you, man. Good luck with that. I hope everything works out the way you want it to. If not," he shrugged a giant shoulder, "you always have me and Rosie."

I rolled my shoulders as I continued running. I might stop for a massage on my way out. I nodded at Emmett and stuffed my ear-buds in for the last mile and a half. I was done talking. I just wanted to run, get a massage and go home.

Emmett and I walked out to the parking lot together, he slapped my shoulder and smiled.

"Call me if you need any pointers tomorrow night." He laughed. "In all seriousness, Ed, let us be here for you. If you need anything, you know we're just a call away. Rosie would kick your ass if she found out you were brooding away in that penthouse of yours."

I unlocked the door to my car and tossed my gym bag into the back seat. I straightened and looked over the roof.

"Yeh, I'll call you this weekend. If you're extra good, I might let you talk shit while I workout on Sunday."

As I was getting ready to slide behind the wheel I heard him shout.

"Don't get naked with Bella until you warn her about your piece man. I'm just saying, it's a sure fire way to ruin the mood. Especially with her." He waved and turned to get into his Jeep.

I sat in the parking lot of the gym for ten minutes thinking about being naked with Bella, and trying to come up with what would be the most tactful way of letting her know that all the swirling black ink that covered the right side of my back and curled over my shoulder was in the shape of a "J" for a reason. And if that didn't give it away, the "01" that was incorporated into the design on my shoulder blade would give it away. She may not notice right away, but she would ask about it. Fuck.

_Who says she wants to get naked with your ass anyway? Douchebag. _

**~xOx~**

Friday morning came and went in a blur.

At two o'clock I was unloading groceries and had already had a glass of moscato.

At three o'clock, I was listening to Jack's Mannequin and prepping dinner, throwing everything in the fridge as I got it ready so I could toss it all in a pan and turn on the rice cooker and be set. I had a second glass of wine and decided that I needed to put two more bottles in the fridge.

At four o'clock I texted Jake that I was going to kill him.

At four oh five he texted me back that he would enjoy it.

_He would._

At five o'clock I was nervously chewing on my lip, clawing at my hair and pacing the living room.

"Relax. Just relax. It's going to be okay. It's going to be fun." I groaned at myself and wandered off to the bedroom to change my shirt.

_Should I wear a skirt? Is this a date? No, it's not a date._

"We're just friends catching up." I was starting to freak myself out with all the talking I was doing to myself.

I picked a vintage Aerosmith shirt out of my drawer and pulled it over my head. Jeans and t-shirt. That's all I could commit to for this evening. At least my toes were painted.

_Like he's going to notice your toes._

I ran back out to the kitchen and pulled the marinating chicken from the fridge. Terriyaki chicken is my absolute favorite. I wasn't anywhere close to being the worlds' best cook, but cookies and terriyaki chicken I could do.

I had just turned the rice cooker on when I heard a knock.

I literally jumped in the kitchen at the noise and had to take a few calming breathes as I walked to the door.

When I opened the door I was eye level with the most amazing looking chest I had ever seen. The grey fabric of his t-shirt stretched just tight enough to make my mind wander to places it shouldn't.

Slowly, my eyes dragged their traitorous selves up toward his face, landing on the most delicious half cocked grin. The heat creeped up the back of my neck and I could feel my cheeks warming.

_Get a hold of yourself, woman! _

I smiled weakly up into his vibrant green stare and held the door open for him to enter.

_Nice ass._

I slapped my hand over my mouth.

_Do not say it. Do not say it. Did I say it?_

The fact that he didn't turn around and laugh at me, alerted me to the fact that I had not embarrassed myself by blurting out how amazing his ass looked in his jeans.

He politely kicked his black boots off in the hall before walking on the carpet. For some reason, this did amazing things to my insides. Courtesy was a dying trait these days.

"Hello, Bella." I managed to pull my eyes away from his chest once again, and rejoin the land of the living.

_How embarrassing._

He held up a bottle of red wine and grinned down at me like sin on a stick.

"Oh, uhm, kitchen's this way." I maneuvered carefully around him and walked down the hall.

I could feel his eyes on me as I walked through the kitchen and proceeded to stumble over nothing.

I heard his low chuckle and turned to face him.

"Some things never change." His smile was soft.

"Yeh, well, we can't all be steady on our feet." I smiled and grabbed a second glass from the cabinet, rinsing mine before opening and pouring some of the wine he brought into each glass.

I turned from the counter and held out a glass in his direction. His fingers brushed mine subtly, but it felt like a jackhammer to my chest.

My eyes paused as they worked up his arm.

_Is that? Does he have?_

I reached out without thinking and touched the black ink on his arm that was peeking out from under the t-shirt sleeve.

My eyes met his in curiosity.

"You have a tattoo?"


	8. Chapter 8

"_Here we go again_

_I kinda wanna be more than friends_

_So take it easy on me."_

"_Animal"_

_~Neon Trees~_

I took a long swallow of the wine that Bella had handed me.

"Yeh, I have a rather large piece down my back." Her eyes were zeroed in on my arm. I should have worn long sleeves.

_Dammit._

Her tongue ran over her bottom lip and I set my now emptied glass on the counter next to the sink.

In an attempt to change the subject, I looked over at the stove to see what she had been making.

"Smells good, terriyaki?" Bella nodded and proceeded to curse under her breath as she spun around to stir the chicken.

"Look, Edward, I'm going to be honest with you." My heart twisted in my chest at her words.

"I am _really_ nervous." She looked up at me with her doe like eyes. "Seeing you again has completely taken me by surprise."

I tried to keep a neutral face. I knew it was going to be emotional for her. I knew that feelings she had long ago suppressed would return and that she would feel confused. That didn't mean that I was thrilled with the way this conversation was going.

_Where did you think it was going to go? Straight to the bedroom. _

I went to open my mouth to reassure her that I wasn't there to make her uncomfortable, but she held up the wooden spoon she had been using to cook with and continued her speech.

"I want to let you know that even though I am a tad emotional about this whole thing, I am also happy to have you in my life. You're the only one who knows firsthand about the most important moments in my life growing up." She pulled her lip between her teeth. A small sigh escaped her, "Jake was right. I do need your friendship."

_Who the fuck is Jake? How does he know what she does and doesn't need, or **who**, for that matter. _

I felt tension build in my shoulders and immediately started rubbing the back of my neck.

"Well, I'm glad that Jake has pushed you into this." I closed my mouth when her shoulders dropped.

_Fuck._

"No. No. Bella. No. I'm not .." my voice broke off. "I'm sorry. I don't want you to feel like you're being forced to hang out with me." I reached out and pulled her into my arms. It felt so natural to have her there. With me. _Mine._ Currents ran through my veins when I felt her arms wrap around my waist. Her hands were warm through the thin material of my t-shirt. I breathed in her flowery sweet scent and closed my eyes for a brief moment.

"Bella." She shifted to look up at me and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from kissing her gorgeous mouth.

"I think dinner is burning." Her eyes grew wide and she spun in my arms.

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" She grabbed the handle on the pan and moved it to another burner. I came up behind her and peered over her shoulder to examine the damage.

"Oh yeh, looks done to me." I chuckled. "Do you have a favorite takeout? My treat. We can order in."

~xOx~

Laughter filled the room. There were two empty bottles of wine on the coffee table along with a variety of takeout boxes and dishes.

"And that's how I broke my leg." I giggled through my hazy drunken state.

We were both on the floor, Edward leaning back against the the couch laughing at my stories from the other side of the table.

"More wine?" I stood a little too quickly and felt the room tilt slightly. "Wooo. Maybe just one more glass for me." I couldn't help the laughter that escaped when Edward jolted forward to grab my arm to steady me.

"I could do that for you." He smiled up at me.

"You have got to stop doing that. That thing where you smile like that?" Sounding oh-so intelligent through my alcohol induced speech.

"I have to stop smiling?" His eyebrow shot up and I saw the mischief twinkle in his eyes. My stomach dropped to my knees and my heart started beating faster.

"You know exactly what I mean, mister." My eyes squinted at him in mock scorn.

"Alright. No more smiling. I swear from here on out I will only frown." His features changed so dramatically into an almost stern yet impossibly sexy and toe curling picture of masculinity.

I turned quickly to walk back to the kitchen.

"Oh, that was smart. Ask him to be sexier." I muttered under my breath as I opened a third bottle.

"Did you say something?" I heard him call out.

"Uh. No." I poured the liquid and walked back into the room with both glasses.

I laughed so hard when I saw him. He had pushed his crazy hair down as flat as possible over his forehead and was sitting with his arms across his chest, scowling at me.

"Much much better." I attempted to sit and hand him his drink at the same, which ended in disaster.

As I leaned forward, mid sit, I bumped the glass into his fingers and proceeded to dump the entire thing onto the table and his chest. Red wine was staining his grey shirt and I could do nothing but stare.

"You know, if you wanted to get me naked, you just had to ask. You didn't have to spill my drink on my shirt."

My eyes shot up to his. I am certain they were wide enough to be almost buggy. I felt the heat creep forward toward my cheeks.

"Oh. My. God. I am such an ass." I proceeded to jump up, my knee caught the edge of the table and sent my glass of wine tumbling over and heading straight for his lap.

Everything happened so fast and yet, slowed in my inebriated state. Edward reached behind his neck, pulled his shirt over his head and caught the puddle of wine before it had a chance to hit his pants or the carpet.

_Sweet baby jesus. _

I licked my lips. My throat closed and my mouth went dry. As impressed as I was by the fully clothed chest I had admired earlier, this naked version was much much better. It was as if a sculptor had chiseled him in the form of a Greek god. All hard planes and oh god, his stomach did some sort of ripple thing as he stood up. I wondered if his skin was as soft as it looked.

It took me a moment to realize he had been looking at me expectantly. Another of his crooked grins gracing his handsome face.

"Oh. Uh, yeh. Give me your shirt, I'll treat it and toss it in the wash right away. I am so sorry." My face must have been as red as a tomato. It felt like my neck and cheeks were on fire.

"Your bathroom?" I pointed down the hall.

"On the left." I smiled weakly. His going was as good as his coming. His back was muscled and he wasn't lying when he said he had a lot of ink. The swirling black pattern covered the right side of his back, curling over his shoulder and at his waist.

_Holy shit._

I went in search of stain remover and got to work on his shirt in the kitchen sink, attempting to remove as much of the red wine before actually putting it in the wash.  
>As I scrubbed, I mentally chastised myself for having ogled Edward.<p>

_He's your friend. He can't be more. He's Jasper's cousin. You can't do this._

I groaned and shut the door on the washer.

I found him wiping down the coffee table with paper towels and cleaner. On his knees. No shirt.

I was seriously going to have to re-think this whole, _"you can't do this"_ thing, because I could certainly be doing that. On the coffee table. Maybe I _was_ a pervert.

"Thank you." He glanced up at me. "For cleaning the table. And not getting mad about the mess." I picked up the paper towel roll, fidgeting with a loose corner.

"Why on earth would I be mad? It was an accident."

"I know. I just have accidents all the time. It gets old. You'll see." I laughed and sat down on the carpet, my back against the couch. Edward dropped the paper towels he was using and moved to sit next to me. He bumped his shoulder into me, grinning.

"I don't mind your accidents, Bella." His eyes softened and his voiced lowered. "Give me a chance. That's all I ask. Let me prove that I can be a good friend to you."

A lump formed in my throat. My voice wasn't going to work and if I opened my mouth, tears were going to stream down my face. Isn't it funny how that works. You open your mouth but it's your eyes that spill, not words.

I leaned my head against his shoulder and nodded. I felt him bend down and kiss the top of my head.

"Well. Isn't this cozy?"

I jumped as Riley's voice filled the room. I felt Edward tense beside me.

"_Hush, hush The world is quiet_

_Hush, hush We both can't fight it_

_It's us that made this mess_

_Why can't you understand?_

_Whoa, I won't sleep tonight"_

"_Animal"  
>~Neon Trees~<em>


	9. Chapter 9

"_It's too late for you to stop and think_

_too late to mention_

_I make a move and spill my drink_

_to break the tension_

_I know you're never gonna understand_

_I'll try my best to follow if I can."_

"_Static Waves"_

_~Andrew Belle~_

"What the hell, Bella! You talk this big game about not being ready to commit, but you're ready to jump into bed with someone new?" Riley spit the words at me like venom. I faltered in my attempt to stand.

"Oh, no no." Riley waved his hands toward me. "Don't fucking get up for me, don't let me interrupt."

Edward was on his feet blocking me from Riley.

"Hey man, not cool." His tone was casual, his body language was anything but. I watched with rapt attention as the muscles in his back flexed.

_Just lick him. Do it. You know you want to._

I shook my head. _Drunk_ _perv._

Glancing quickly around Edward's right side just as Riley came toe-to-toe with him.

"Not cool? You have no idea what I've been through for her, bud." His eyes met mine. "Years, Bella. Years." He returned his attention to Edward.

"Riley," I moved around Edward "I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I just can't. You know that." I took a breath. "This is Edward. We've known each other since, well, a long time. He's my friend." Riley raised his eyebrow at me as though he'd caught me in a lie.

"What the fuck ever, Bella."

A low rumble sounded and I looked up at Edward in shock.

Did he just _growl_?

His fist balled up as he continued to stare down at Riley.

"Why don't you watch your language, man." It wasn't a question. It came across more as a warning.

Riley leaned into Edward.

"What the _fuck_ are you going to do about it." His eyes never left Edward's face.

As I went to step between them to add space, Riley's arm shot out in an attempt to shove Edward. Unfortunately, he caught me. Right in the side of my shoulder, knocking me into Edward.

_Damn! That's gonna leave a mark. _

Before I could say anything, Edward had picked me up, moved me out of the way and grabbed Riley around his throat.

"Stop! STOP!" They were both far too angry to even hear me.

Edward was seething and had him pinned to a wall, his forearm took the place of his hand as he leveled his gaze on Riley. His voice was low and scared the shit out of me.

"Get the hell out of here. If you ever touch her, one tiny hair on her body, I will knock your teeth out and break both of your damn hands."

"Fuck off. My shit is still here. I have every right to be here."

"Then I suggest you get your crap and never come back."

I stood in utter disbelief. What the hell just happened? Riley was always so even tempered and level headed.

He reached up and shoved Edward square in the chest to push him away. Edward stepped back and Riley stomped to the back room.

I couldn't move. I was rooted to the floor like an ancient tree. Shock. Total shock. Complete disbelief. That did not just happen.

I looked up as Edward was making his way slowly toward me. His hand reached out and his fingers wrapped around my elbow, pushing my shirt sleeve up. Sure enough, there it was. A nice purple blotch was making its grand appearance on my bicep next to my shoulder. The pad of his thumb brushed over the blemish lightly, causing chills to run down my spine and goose bumps to raise on my arm.

His eyes met mine as he slowly dipped his head and pressed his lips to bruise.

_Oh dear lord. Sweet baby jesus. His lips were on me._

I squeezed my thighs together as my neglected lady bits started to tingle.

"It doesn't hurt." I breathed out.

I could smell his shampoo and his hand was hot on my arm. I almost came in my panties right there.

His voice came in low hushed tones, "I apologize for my behavior." He stood to his full height and rand a hand through his hair. His eyes were soft and mournful. "I didn't mean to lose my cool. Sometimes it happens. I'm working on it though."

What could I do. I was melting in my panties and still in shock.

"I should probably go check on Riley. Make sure he has everything." He stopped me as I stepped forward.

"Are you sure it's okay for you to go back there? Alone, I mean." His eyes were searching mine.

"Yeh, it's fine." I smiled weakly. "He's never been this way before. I thought everything was good. That we were on the same page. He's moving back to New York. He knew I wasn't going to ever go. I can't leave Washington." I shrugged helplessly. "And if I need backup, I'll holler." I winked and made my way down the hall.

~xOx~

No. I shouldn't have let that prick get to me. But when his hands pushed her, intending to push me, I lost it. Fuck if I will let someone put their hands on her.

Screw him and his years. His shit has nothing on my years. And the life changing event she and I share. Call me selfish all you want. Call me a possessive freak. In my mind, she's more mine than his.

_Dammit!_

I paced around the living room. Tugging my fingers through my hair and cursing myself and the control that I so disgustingly lost. Grabbing the two wine glasses and dirty paper towels, I wandered off to the kitchen. I was rinsing the glasses when she padded silently into the room.

"He's okay. He doesn't believe me that we're just friends." She blew out a breath and shrugged. "But what can I do, ya know?"

_Just friends_. That phrase was killing me.

I nodded my head and watched her shuffle off to the washing machine to check on my shirt. I was just going to have to work harder. Prove to her that it was okay to be with me. I knew she was attracted to me. I knew I was having some sort of effect on her. Now I just had to do some convincing. I had my work cut out for me if she was half as stubborn as she had been growing up.

"_Now out the door and down the stairs_

_from your apartment_

_I count the steps from where I am_

_to where I started_

_I would have let you leave."  
>"Static Waves"<br>~Andrew Belle~_

* * *

><p><strong>AN**  
><strong>I know, I know.. it's a short chapter. I was eager to get something to you all. I promise the next one will be meatier... so to speak. ;) I hope everyone who is celebrating Thanksgiving this Thursday has a wonderful day. xOx QoH<em><br>_**


	10. Chapter 10

"_Who wrote the rain_

_Who wrote the sun in_

_Who called your name_

_Where are you running_

_I'm gonna be there near or far_

_I'm gonna meet you where you are_

_Who wrote your name_

_Who wrote the sun in"  
>"You Will Find Me"<em>

_~Andrew Ripp~_

"_If you don't leave in ten minutes, you're both going to be late."_

_I took off up the stairs, my mom's words fading as I reached the landing and turned the corner. _

_I knocked on the door. _

"_Come on! We're going to be late! You need to drive me, mom's got a meeting."_

_I waited. Nothing. I knocked again._

"_Jasper! Get up!"_

_Nothing.  
>"If you don't open the door, I'm coming in."<em>

_Still nothing._

"_Fine! Here I come!"  
>I twisted the handled and flung the door open. <em>

"_Get up already!" I walked to the bed and my breath caught in my chest. _

"I remember, the last thing I wanted to do, the last person I wanted to be, was the one who had to tell you he was gone. But it had to be me. I couldn't let Esme or Carlisle tell you. I couldn't let you find out from some gossiping asshole in school." We were sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch. Her head was bent, I couldn't see her face, her hair was hanging between us like a silky brown cloak. 

"He loved you. He loved you the best way he could. The only way he knew how. He never wanted to hurt anyone. He was just sick, Bella." Her shoulders jerked softly. "I can't tell you how many times I wished he hadn't done it. That he hadn't left us. Left you. And then, we left. It was too hard for Esme to be in that house."

I shifted, turning to face Bella, I placed two fingers under her chin and tilted her tear stained face toward my own. I swallowed back the lump in my throat.

"It killed me. To leave you behind. When you needed a friend. I don't think you would have wanted to be my friend at that time anyway. But it still hurt to walk away." My fingers moved over the smooth porcelain skin of her cheek.

"I was angry as hell. I became a bitter, pissed off asshole. I was frustrated and irritated all the time. My patience was thin to none and I loved to fight. I would pick fights just to relieve some of the anger I had pent up inside." She pulled her lower lip between her teeth. Her eyes sparkled from the tears.

"I was a damn mess, Bella. It's almost embarrassing to admit just how fucked up I was. I still am. A little bit. I got into the habit of beating the crap out of anyone that crossed me the wrong way... it's taken me a while to get things under control."

~xOx~

What I wanted most was to wrap my arms around his neck and hold him. Or maybe** I** needed to be held. By someone who knew me. Knew what it felt like to go through hell and emerge on the other side dazed and a little on edge.

I blew out a quiet breath to steady my emotions. My head was tumbling to and fro from his admissions and blatant honesty.  
>His fingers ghosted softly over my cheek, his strikingly green eyes searching my face.<p>

"You're not so bad." My voice wasn't working quite right yet and the words creaked as they left my mouth.

He grinned a very lazy almost sad smile. I could smell his spicy male scent. Whatever soap he used or cologne, maybe it was his deodorant, either way, it was intoxicating and I was quickly drowning.

His head dropped forward as he looked back up, his fingers wrapped gently around the back of my neck, pulling me closer. His mouth so close to mine, his warm breath tingled my lips.

What in the hell am I doing?

_He's so fucking hot_.

My heart was racing and every time I tried to take a breath, I could taste his, making my neglected lady bits weep with joy.

Edward was staring intently into my eyes, his gaze slowly tracing over my face to my mouth.

"Bella..you gotta stop me. Cause I'm not going to stop myself. I don't have enough control."

A shiver raced through my veins igniting a fire I had never felt before. I couldn't say no. I couldn't stop him. I could hardly breath on my own at this point and was quite surprised I hadn't passed out from lack of oxygen.

He leaned in closer, one hand at the back of my neck, the other tracing the line of my jaw. I felt his breath one last time before his lips brushed mine.

Oh shit. I'm going to swoon to death.

I heard a whimpering noise, which apparently came from me, because as soon as it happened, Edward parted my lips with his sweet tongue and groaned into my mouth.

Something in me snapped in that moment and before I knew what I was doing, I had pushed up onto my knees, burrowing my fingers into the back of his silky thick hair.

My skin burned under his fingers. I could taste wine on his tongue and I pressed myself against him unabashedly. My hands moved with a mind of their own, over his bare shoulders.

I want him naked now.

In that instant I was reminded of the promise I had made to myself.  
>I pulled away slowly, pressing my hand against his absolutely fantastic bare chest. Edward rested his forehead against mine, his eyes were closed, his breathes were quiet and heavy.<p>

"I'm sorry. I just.." I could only whisper as I ruined the most romantic moment of my life.

"You need time."

I nodded, our foreheads still touching. "It's fine, Bella. I understand." His hands held my face as he pressed his lips against mine. Soft and gentle.

He pulled back and looked down at me, a small smile playing on his talented lips.

"I should probably get my shirt and head out."

I crawled backwards off his lap, my body screaming at me for acting like a prude.

Ten minutes later we were standing at the door saying goodnight.

"Can I call you?"

Was he seriously asking if he could call me? Shouldn't it be the other way around?

_Hell yes you can call me. Any. Time._

"Um, yeh, anytime. I'm sorry for the drama and the spill and," I shoved my fingers through my hair. "everything. Maybe we can do it again? Without all that stuff."

"I would do it all over again, even with that stuff." He leaned in and kissed my cheek. "Sleep well, Bella." His smile melted my heart as he turned to walk away.

"Goodnight, Edward. Sweet dreams."

"_In your dark moments_

_When your heart's weak_

_Bring yourself broken_

_You will find me"_

"_You Will Find Me"  
>~Andrew Ripp~<em>


	11. Chapter 11

"_Seems like everyone else has a love just for them,_

_I don't mind, we have such a good time, my best friend,  
>But sometimes, well,<em>

_I wish we could be more than friends"_

"_Breathless"  
>~Corinne Bailey Rae~<em>

* * *

><p>I slammed my fist into the pillow for what seemed like the hundredth time, flopped onto my stomach from my back and groaned. Sleep was evading me. Driving me insane. I hadn't had any issues with my sleep in over three years. Now here I am desperate for just one ativan. Something to take the edge off.<p>

I stared at the digits on my alarm clock, casting a blue hue over my nightstand. It was three twenty six a.m. If I could get myself to fall asleep right now, I could get a good three and a half hours of sleep in before I had to get up for work. Somehow I doubted that was going to happen.

Instead of forcing something that wasn't going to happen, I grabbed my phone from the table and rolled to my back.

It had been almost a week since I had seen Bella, but we were in constant communication via text. I scrolled through some of our conversation from earlier in the evening and smiled.

**What are you doing this weekend, B? **

_Was thinking of hitting up Pike Place market Saturday morning. You wanna go?_

Fuck yeh I wanted to go. I didn't even try to hide the big fat grin that spread from ear to ear when that text popped up.

**What time?**

_I wanted to be out of my apartment by 7:30. Early, I know. I like to drink my coffee and hit up the fresh produce. If that's too early for you, we can meet at pike place bagels for brunch?_

**I'll be on your doorstep at 7:20. **

Dropping the phone on the pillow next to mine, I folded my hands over my chest and stared at the ceiling. I wondered if Bella was awake and fighting for rest. I had seen her bottle of sleep aid on the bathroom counter. Had she not been sleeping for ten years? Or was this a recent ailment? It broke me to think of her being alone, trying to deal with Jasper's suicide on her own. At least I had a good therapist and when I finally stopped beating the shit out of other people, I found that I really enjoyed the weight machines at the gym.

I wondered if she had put on a brave face for Charlie and Renee. Had she fooled them for so many years? Did she talk herself into being okay?

So here I was, ten years later, losing sleep over Bella Swan. Just like I had when I was fifteen and kept popping boners every time she was in the same room as me. I'm surprised Mom didn't question my request for a gallon of lotion. Jesus. I was real subtle. Over the years, Bella was still one of my favorite masturbatory themes. And over the last week, it had gotten pretty bad. I was in full blown gotta have it mode and not seeing her was driving me crazy. But would actually being around her make everything far worse? I didn't give a shit. I just wanted to see her pretty face and breathe her sweet scent.

I was turning into a complete pussy.

"Mother fuck." I grumbled.

I slapped at my clock and shut the alarm off. There was no way sleep was coming. I sat up in bed and scrubbed my hands over my face.

By four thirty I was dressed and headed out for a long run. Anything to clear my head. I ran and ran until the sky turned purple and reflected off the water. I was drenched in sweat by the time I made it back to my place. I could smell coffee brewing from auto start and made a beeline for the shower.

If I could make it through the few patients I had this morning, I might just cut out early and try to get some sleep. After a few years with no vacation, I'm thinking it's about time to take a week off and head out of town. I'd have to set that up. Soon.

~xOx~

The folder dropped with a loud smacking noise on my desk followed by a large tan, well manicured hand.

"Hey, Jake." I grinned when our eyes met.

"Great work, Bee Girl. As always." He half sat on the desktop. "Hot date tonight? Or are you free to hang out with an old friend?" He smirked and wiggled his eyebrows at me.

"I am definitely free for you, Jake. If you give me a ride home, I can drop this stuff off and change and we can go from there." I shut down the computer I had been using and pressed the button to turn the monitor off.

"What did you have in mind?" I pushed back in the chair and hooked my bag with a finger from the floor next to my feet.

"White Rabbit? Food, drink, tunes." He stood and grabbed my hand when I came around the end of the desk.

"Sounds good to me, boss." I laughed at his smirk. "I have to be home early though, this girl has a date at seven thirty in the morning with coffee and fresh produce."

"Excuse me? A date with the market?" He laughed. "What else aren't you telling me, Bee?" He paused mid stride and looked down at me, awareness flashed in his eyes. "Ohhh, he's going to be there. No date tonight, instead you're going to attempt to keep things on the _friend_ level by only seeing him during daylight hours?" He scoffed. "Bella, you already kissed him, saw him half naked and have done nothing but daydream and stare into space this week. You have it bad. Seeing him during the day isn't going to change that. You can't deny what's there. You're going to hurt yourself."

"I'm a big girl, Jake. I know what I'm doing. It hurts less if I keep it platonic, than if I let us get carried away and watch him leave." I pulled at his hand and we exited the small building. "It's better this way."

He shook his head, a frown marring his sweet face.

"Bee, I know you think that what you're doing is logical and will prevent heartache and loss, but you're just cheating yourself, and him for that matter. You're going to end up hurting not only yourself, but Edward as well. Don't you think that maybe, just maybe, you should give it a try?" I stared at my feet as we made our way to his car. His hand was warm in mine.

"It's not like I haven't had relationships, Jake. I mean, Ri and I just broke up... and.."

Jake spoke over me, staring me in the eyes while we stood next to his car.

"Bella. You know, as well as everyone else, that Riley was not even _close_ to the right guy for you. He was a safe bet. Someone who you cared about, but would never fall in love with. Your heart was safe. You never gave it away." He held my face in his strong hands. "Don't run away from it, Bee. It could be so good."

I couldn't speak. I had nothing to say. He was right. I played it safe. Safe was good. No hurt, no tears, no fear of being left behind.

I nodded and he kissed my nose.

"Alright, enough with the heavy bullshit, get in the car, woman, we have a date tonight. I plan on getting you hammered and making you dance all slutty-like with me til the sun comes up." He held the door open for me and I sat , laughing.

…

"No. Not the skirt. Do the jeans and boots."

I groaned out loud as Jake forced me to change my clothes for the third time.

"Are you sure you're not gay, Jake? Because this is ridiculous." I pouted at his loud laughter as I walked back down the hall to bedroom stripping the skirt from my body.

"No, I'm not gay, and I think you should remember that before you strip down to your little pink panties in front of me again. Lookin' good, by the way."

I felt my cheeks burn and I slammed my bedroom door.

An hour later we were at a small table by an even smaller stage, sharing a Queen of Hearts pizza, guzzling local IPA and laughing.

"So I take it you're not getting a second date with her then?" I was laughing so hard at Jake's dating snafu that there were tears in my eyes.

He just rolled his eyes at me and finished off his beer.

"Seriously, Swan, I think you want this. Don't you?" He leaned over the table, an evil grin on his face.

"Uh-uh. No. Jake. I do not _want_this." I waved a hand in his direction for full emphasis, which he grabbed and used to pull me away from the table.

"Oh god, no. Noooo, Jake. I am not dancing."

He wrapped his hands around my wrists and tugged me out to a very small dance floor.

"I think you are, Bee." His hand pressed into my lower back and held me against his hips as we fell in sync with the music.

We paused a short while later for another beer, my fifth, and I was feeling pretty damn happy by that time. Jake had no problem with getting me to dance by that point. I really could not have asked for a more amazing friend.  
>I had just danced myself back up his leg from the ground, when he grabbed me and pulled me against his chest. His mouth met my ear and he was whispering.<p>

"How available are you, Bee? Because there is a guy watching you from the bar and he looks very interested. Should I keep.."

His words cut off and he stood back up, swaying with me.

"He's coming this way, do you want me to let him cut in, or not?" His eyes flashed to mine.

"I um, what does he look like?" I didn't dare turn around. That would be way too obvious.

"Tall. Weird hair. Jeans and a tee shirt. Shit. I dunno. He doesn't look like a serial killer. He was with another guy and girl."

Before I could answer, I was interrupted by the guy who had been on his way over.

"May I?" The question was aimed at Jake, but as soon as I heard that voice, I twisted around and almost lost my footing.

"Edward?"

Holy hell, in all his sex-hotness, he was there.

Or was I just _that_ drunk?

~xOx~

Emmett woke me from my late evening nap to inform me that I would be meeting him and Rose at the White Rabbit for drinks tonight.

I reached for my phone and answered without rolling over or opening an eye.

" 'Lo?"

"Rise and mother fuckin' shine, Buttercup! Get your ass in the shower. Rose and I are going out for drinks, she wants your pussy ass there. Eight, White Rabbit. Out." And he hung up.

I was on my second Men's Room Red, when I realized it was Bella that I had been watching on the dance floor with some giant dude.

She was wearing dark, very tight jeans and I wanted to get my hands all over her ass. Her hair was pulled up in a ponytail showing off her delicate neck and she wore a thin black v-neck tee shirt that hugged her in all the right places. The black boots on her feet made her a full three inches taller than she normally stood and she rocked them like a pro.

I was supposed to just be friends with her? Jesus.

"That's her." I nodded my head in Bella's direction and both Rose and Emmett turned their attention to the tiny ass dance floor.

"Really, man? She's smokin." Rose leaned over and smacked Emmett in the back of the head.

"Shut up, Em." She glanced at me, "Who is she with? Do you recognize him?"

I knew what she was really asking, _Are you sure she's not seeing someone? Are you sure she's not fucking you over?_

"No, I don't. She's not seeing anyone. I met the jackass that was her last boyfriend." I rubbed at my chin and pushed my empty beer bottle away. "And we're not dating. She told me she wants to be friends. I have no claim."

I didn't miss the look on Rose's face. She knew. She knew I had already staked a claim on a woman who I may never be able to have.

"Edward, cut in. Get off your _lazy_ass and do something." She poked me in the side with a long red fingernail. "Go, so I can make out with my husband without feeling guilty. Maybe you'll get lucky and she'll let you kiss her." She smirked and I rolled my eyes.

"Fine. I'm going." As I looked back, I watched Bella wiggle and swivel her hips from the floor all the way up this guy's leg and when she stood, he pulled her against him and it was all I could do to push the jealousy down and continue walking closer.

I saw the guy watching my approach, he was talking to her, his eyes glancing back down into hers.

"May I?" I nodded once in Bella's direction and she turned, wobbled on her feet and stared up at me like a deer in headlights.

"Edward?"

I smiled at her confusion and almost fell out when she wrapped her arms around my neck and pushed her nose into my throat.

I wrapped one arm around her waist and then looked back at the guy who she'd been dancing with. The guy who was currently wearing the biggest shit eating grin I had ever seen. Which made no sense to me, seeing as how he was just grinding all over her, and now she was wrapped around me.

"Hey, man. Nice to finally meet _the_ Edward." He held out a hand, "I'm Jake. The platonic best friend."

So this was Jake, the guy who thought she should take a chance and let me in. I think I love this guy.  
>And I really think that Bella needs to stop rubbing into my throat and sighing. I could smell the sweet beer scent on her breath and I almost moaned. This whole, <em>being friends <em>crap was going to kill me.

"Nice to meet you too, man." I shook his hand as Bella pulled away.

"What are you doing here?" She stepped back and looked up at me. "I didn't expect to see you here." She bit down on her lip and then smiled again.

"I didn't expect to be here." I grinned at her. "Glad I came though."

I caught Jake smiling at the back of her head.

"Hey, so, I was actually just getting ready to roll out. Gotta be up early to finish some work. Bee Girl, you gonna stay?" He glanced in my direction.

"Uh, well, I don't want to put you out, Edward, since you're here with your friends and all."

I couldn't tell what she really wanted, but I knew what I wanted.

"If you want to stay, I would be more than happy to have your company and bring you home later."

She stared at me for a minute, chewing her lip, and then turned back to Jake.

"You're sure you don't mind if I stay?"

He leaned in and hugged her, giving me a discrete thumbs up behind her back. Who the fuck _was _this guy? He really gave me faith in humanity as far as good people go. He was willing her to stay.

"You stay, this Cinderella must be-bop his ass home and into bed for some beauty rest. I'll see your gorgeous face bright and early Monday morning." He kissed her cheek as she laughed at him and waved one more time before clearing their tab and heading out.

"Do you dance, Edward?" I looked down at her as she laced her fingers through mine.

"With you, yes."

I took a step back, and wrapped the fingers of my free hand around the back of her neck, dipping to rest my forehead against hers, I brought our entwined hands to her lower back and pulled her flush against me.

God it felt so good to have her there, pressed against me. Pretty soon she was going to be able to feel just how much I liked it.

We moved slowly to a heavy beat. Her eyes closed, lips parted, her warm breath caressing my skin and driving me absolutely mad with lust.

_She said she just wants to be friends, asshole. Be careful._

My gaze cut quickly back to the bar as I realized I had ditched Emmett and Rose. I swept the bar three times, but they were nowhere to be found. I laughed quietly to myself. Mother fucker left me. Not that I minded. At all.

I stared at Bella's full pink lips, and before I could stop myself, I was tasting them with my own. Her mouth parted for me, warm and soft. I slid my tongue slowly over her bottom lip, earning a quiet moan, her hand at my back fisted into my shirt.  
>She sucked my tongue into her mouth and I almost threw her down on the floor to fuck her senseless right there.<p>

As quickly as the thought came, it went and she was pulling away.

"Edward, will you take me home now? I need to get home."

She didn't sound distressed. Her voice was low and throaty and holy shit, was I going to get laid?

_No. Asshole. You're friends. And not the kind that fuck._

"Sure thing." Shit. I deserve a medal of honor.

She didn't let go of my hand as we walked out to my car, which I took as a good thing. The drive was quiet though and she stared out the passenger window, every once in a while she would chime in with whatever song came on the radio.

I parked my car at her place and walked with her into the building.  
>"I guess I'll see you in a few hours." I smiled as I looked at my watch.<p>

"Or, you could just, stay?" She stared me down, before turning and walking off toward the elevator that would take her up to her apartment.

_Holy fuck._

"_I get so breathless, when you call my name,_

_I've often wondered, do you feel the same?_

_There's a chemistry, energy, a synchronicity_

_When we're all alone,_

_So don't tell me you can't see_

_What I'm thinking of._

_I can understand that you don't want to cross the line,_

_And you know I can't promise you things,_

_Will turn out fine,_

_But I have to be honest, I want you to be mine."  
>"Breathless"<br>~Corinne Bailey Rae~_

* * *

><p><em>AN  
>Is he gonna do it? ;)<br>_


	12. Chapter 12

"_With your breathing, filling up my lungs_

_I can almost believe that I'm almost enough_

_Spent all of my life emptied of anthems_

_And bracing for something that never did come_

_Sunshine, I'm beginning to like this"  
>"Suspended"<em>

_~Matt Nathanson~_

_Holy shit, Bella! Did you just invite Edward to stay the night?_

When the elevator door whooshed open, I stepped inside the small metal box and didn't look back at him. How utterly mortifying. He must think I'm a complete lunatic. One minute I'm insisting we remain friends, the next I'm raping his mouth with my tongue at a bar and behaving like a hussy asking him to come up to my place.

_God! You're ridiculous, Swan!_

The door slid quietly closed behind me and I pressed my forehead into the wall, watching my breath fog up a small round spot on the metal.

The elevator started to move, even though I hadn't pushed a button yet. I turned very slowly, feeling every single drop of alcohol that I had consumed sloshing through my veins, causing my body to feel like it was floating.

_Oh. Oh! Look what you've gotten yourself into now._

He was standing on the other side of the elevator watching me like a lion would watch his prey. Quietly assessing me. His eyes burned into mine. My skin crawled with awareness. His head tilted slightly to the right, his eyes never leaving mine.

A giggle erupted, starting in my chest and escaping before I even knew it was coming.

What a great time for drunk Bella to show up. Why did I have to drink so much tonight? Why did I allow Jake to keep plying me with alcohol?

I placed a hand over my mouth in horror.

Edward raised an eyebrow in amusement and a smile worked its way slowly across his handsome face.

I couldn't even bring myself to speak. My insides were warring with each other, to jump him or not to jump him... that my dears is the fifty million dollar question.

Oh, trust me, my hormones and my lady bits were definitely in agreeance with the jumping him part, but my brain, that was still somewhat functioning, was blaring a warning siren and flashing lights.

The elevator came to a stomach twisting stop, my eyes still glued to his face as the doors opened once more at my floor. Stepping out into the hall, grabbing my keys in a vice like grip, I started walking toward my door. My heart, thundering in my chest, was the only thing I could hear. It was amazing how Edward made no noise. I knew he was behind me, I could feel the intensity of his gaze on my back, but I couldn't hear him. Not his footsteps, his breathing, his clothing didn't make any rustling noises. It was almost creepy.

Twisting the key in the lock on the door, I turned to look over my shoulder at him. He was a lot closer than I thought. Edward's cologne tickled my nose, he smelled warm like clove with a hint of fresh citrus. He looked down at me, I couldn't tell exactly what he was thinking. His green eyes were clear, alert, but showed no hint of what he was thinking or feeling.

Pushing the door open, I walked in, kicking my boots off in the hall. The door closed quietly behind me with a soft click, I heard the lock moving into place and shuffling as he removed his shoes.

As I passed a small table at the end of the entry way, I dropped my keys into a bowl, emptied my pockets of my ID and credit card and turned in time to watch Edward take a final step toward me. His large warm hands came out to hold my face and he lowered himself, bringing him to my height, looking me directly in the eye.

"Bella," his voice, low and strong, caressed and stroked the flame building in my stomach, "I'm not gonna lie, I want to be with you. But if you want or need me to stop, we won't do anything you don't want to do."

And then drunk Bella joined the party again. Because she's just so much fun.

"When I saw you, before you saw me, on the street, all I could think was that a bus was going to run my ass over to get me to stop staring at you. I felt like a full on perv checking you out from behind my camera. I took pictures."

_Oh god. Oh god, Bella! Shut up! What in the hell are you doing? _

I groaned quietly and bent my head.

"Alcohol. Makes me all sorts of ballsy and chatty. You must think I'm an _incredibly_ insane person." I shifted slightly, looking back at him, his hands still gently holding my face.

"Bella, you are not _incredibly_ insane. You're not even insane. I promise." His features were soft, his eyes smiling at me. "There is nothing wrong with you. At all. You're allowed to look at people you find attractive. You're allowed to _be _attracted."

He was quiet for a while, just watching me. His hands holding me. I wasn't sure what he was looking for. If there was something specific he was digging for. He must have found what he was searching for because he leaned into me, his lips warm and soft, lightly brushed against my own. Sparks shot through my spine. I could feel my elbows and knees tingle, but I was completely immobile. I couldn't move.

He whispered quietly over my lips, "Il vostro cuore canta al mio."

That's when things took a giant step toward weird, because that's when I decided to pass out.

**~xOx~**

Her breath whooshed out across my face as her eyes fluttered and the weight of her entire body slouched into my hands. I quickly moved to grab her around the waist, one hand moving swiftly to cradle the back of her head.

"Shit, Cullen. You really know how to liven up the party."

I lifted Bella easily into my arms and turned toward the hall to find her bedroom. I walked past the bathroom and eyed the last two doors, nudging the closest one open with my big toe.

_Bingo!_

Using my elbow, I flipped the light switch and blinked once as the room lit up.

_Holy shit. I'm in Bella's bedroom._

Fifteen year old Edward was giving me a giant fist bump and props. Going where we'd always dreamed of going. I looked down at Bella's pale face. She looked so peaceful. I was going to have to ask her if this happened often, or was it just me who sent her crashing to the floor.

I laid her gently on the large bed and took a good look around the room. It was definitely not what I expected. I found myself smiling at the princess-like headboard. White carved wood that swooped and dipped with intricate details leading to a point at the center. It was padded and covered in a shade of golden yellow. The foot of the bed was the same white carved wood, the detailing was pretty awesome and it all rested on four claw style feet.  
>Yellow curtains pulled back, gave view to city lights twinkling across the night sky like stars.<br>There was one nightstand with one very girlie looking chandelier lamp perched front and center. A glass half full of water sat on top of a photography magazine.  
>Bella sighed quietly in her sleep, calling my attention back to the woman in bed.<p>

Should I change her into something not so.. constricting? I knew first hand that sleeping in jeans all night is never fun the next morning.  
>Moving quietly, I unbuttoned and unzipped her pants, pulling them down over her hips. My tongue about fell out when I saw the pink lace panties underneath. They were the kind that looked almost like shorts, but not. Jesus. This woman was going to give me a heart attack.<p>

I quickly pulled her white comforter up over her bare legs to her waist. I folded her jeans and placed them on top of a plain looking white dresser.

Deciding it was a good idea to find some motrin, just in case she happened to wake up, I made my way back to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. My heart sank as I took in the many prescription bottles. Anxiety, depression, sleeping... and a few others. I knew in my heart of all hearts that I couldn't "save" her. She didn't need rescuing. But she did need a friend to listen. I just couldn't decide if it would be a conflict of interest if she _did_talk to me.

I grabbed three motrin, closed the cabinet and wandered back into Bella's bedroom. I set the pills on the magazine next to the glass of water and then turned the light off.  
>I crawled gently into the bed next to her and laid on my back, staring at the ceiling. My thoughts wandered to what she had said earlier, about watching me from across the street, that she felt like a perv. It made me laugh. At the same time, I felt sorry for her. That she felt she had to stop herself from being with someone because of her past. A past we shared and viewed in very different ways. Something we experienced together, at the same time, but in such different emotional capacities, that had us dealing with the demons in our own ways. I was very certain she was still struggling, though I wasn't quite sure how to broach the subject with her.<br>Funny, how though my job is to council people, I couldn't figure out how to open a discussion with Bella. Perhaps it was because I was emotionally attached to her. I didn't want to see her hurt. Or suffer. But here I was, laying next to her as she slept, knowing she'd most likely taken two of those prescribed medications today.

Just as I was allowing my eyes shut, Bella mumbled in her sleep, rolled over and caught me off guard when she dropped an arm across my stomach. Her slender fingers dug into my side, gripping my shirt.

"Don't go. Don't.. " it was all I could make out before she began mumbling again. I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her closer and whispered, "I'm not going. I'm not leaving, Bella."

She pushed her face into my side, breathing heavily and then heaven to my ears, she spoke again,

"Stay, Edward."

As if I had any choice.

I woke slowly, very aware of the heavy warmth pressing me into the mattress. It took me a few minutes to completely swim out of my sleep fog.

My eyes opened slowly and took in my surroundings. Yellow curtains, grey sky, _fuuuuck_, I slept in my jeans and they had twisted very uncomfortably around my waist. My wallet had made, what I hoped was not a permanent indenture, in my right ass cheek.

Warm breath fanned across my neck and throat. I glanced down, Bella's head was resting on my shoulder, her nose touched the side of my neck. Her arm was still around my chest, but now her bare leg was on top and twisted between both of mine.

I dropped my head back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling.

Fuck me, I wanted to wake her up with kisses in inappropriate places and listen to her moan.

I glanced at my watch, eight thirty. I would have woken her, but I got the feeling she rarely slept so soundly, I didn't have the heart to disturb her.

I drifted in and out of sleep for another twenty minutes before I felt her begin to stir. She scooted closer, rubbing her entire body up the length of mine. Her leg moved up and down over my own. Just when I thought I would lose my shit, her lips touched my neck, right under my ear. I could hear her soft breathing and my pants grew impossibly tighter.

I screwed my eyes shut, barely breathing, attempting to keep my hands to myself.

Bella's hand patted my chest once... twice.. a third tentative time. I heard her breath pull deep inside her chest and her body became absolutely still.

"Good morning." My voice barely above a whisper greeted her.

I heard her squeal and felt her attempt to pull the comforter around herself. As she pulled, her grip slipped and she rolled straight to the floor with a loud thud.

"That's gonna leave a mark. Ouuuuchh." Her voice seemingly coming from thin air as I tried hold back my chuckle.

"Edward."

I watched as first one hand and then another appeared on the bed and then her face peered over the edge, eyes wary.

"Bella."

Fuck, she was beautiful. Hair in disarray, wide brown eyes gazed at me, framed in long heavy lashes. Lips full, almost pouting.

"Close your eyes." She muttered at me. I kept watching her, a grin moving across my lips.

"Why would I want to do that, Bella?"

She huffed a breath and I watched as the hair that fell across her forehead flopped up and then back down.

"Do it! Just.. close your eyes. Or turn over and look at the other wall." She arched an eyebrow my way.

"The way I see it, and trust me, I did see it, is that after you just spent the last, ohhhh.. twenty minutes rubbing up on me, you have nothing to be shy about."  
>She was going to think I was an absolute pig. I couldn't help the short bark of laughter when she glared at me.<p>

"I can't help what I do in my sleep. I thought you were Chris Carrabba." She smirked.

"Who?"

_Who in the fuck is Chris Carrabba? What the shit._

She laughed.

She laughed at _me_.

I leaned over the bed, grabbed her arms and dragged her back up to the mattress, pinning her under me. Holding her hands at the sides of her head.

Between fits of laughter she finally explained.

"He's a singer. Dashboard Confessional."

Her eyes, so alive, her face radiated happiness. It was the first time that I had seen her this way since we had been reacquainted. I never wanted it to end. God that her smile didn't do it for me.

Her laughter stopped suddenly and she pushed her hips tighter against mine. Her eyes darkened, her breathing became shallow. And my body became absolutely rock hard.

**~xOx~**

Waking up to Edward was delicious. Until I realized what I was doing and freaked out. I honestly thought I was a dreaming that he was there. That he was warm in my bed. Solid against me. Arm around me.  
>The fact that I was truly rubbing up on him with wanton abandon just about sent my entire body up in flames from the heat of my blush. Of course it couldn't end there, I just HAD to fall out of bed. I just had to. And he had to laugh. I would never recover from this. If there truly was a monster under the bed, I prayed that he would pick this moment to reach out and grab me, pull me under and put me out of my misery.<p>

Feeling up on Edward in my sleep, was nothing compared to having him on top of me, holding me down. Heat. All I could feel was his heat and something very very hard between my legs. I couldn't stop my response to him. My body moved of its own volition. I wrapped a foot around his lower leg, a shaky breath leaving me.

My fingers wiggled, just one touch. His hands tightened around my wrists and his eyes closed. I watched his face contort as he struggled with his composure.

"Bella, are you sure?" The words came slow and quietly in a soft breath that made me ache to the core.

Was I sure? I was definitely very certain that sex with Edward would be absolutely hands down the best experience of my life. Was I sure though that I was ready for what sex with Edward would bring?

His mouth caressed mine, his tongue swept leisurely over my top lip. And then he was moving away.

"Let's go get some breakfast, Bella."

I didn't know what to say. I was grateful that he seemed to be able to read my mind, yet, at the same time, god I wanted him.

* * *

><p>Hope you enjoyed this chapter 3<p>

**Il vostro cuore canta al mio "Your heart sings to mine."**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N  
>This very short blurb is from Jasper's POV in an attempt to sort out a little of what he was like and what brought him to his end. I'm not quite sure if there will be any more posts from his POV. There will be a full chapter posted soon. Thank you again for all the kind words and comments you have left for me. They totally make my day! :0 ) <strong>

* * *

><p>"<em>I have to face the truth<em>

_That no one could ever look at me like you do_

_Like I'm something worth holding on to_

_There's times I think of leaving_

_But it's something I'll never do_

_'Cause you can do better than me_

_But I can't do better than you"_

"You Can Do Better Than Me"  
>~Death Cab For Cutie~<p>

You could never understand where I was.

How the darkness just sort of covered every inch of my life.

No matter where I went, who I was with, it was dark.

I tried so hard to be happy.

To let life and all the shitty things that came with it roll off my shoulders.

_**Dear Bella,**_

_**Every time I think of the hell that I reside in, yours is the only perfect light I can see shining through the darkness. I do love you. More than I probably should. A hell of a lot more than I deserve to. You are the only happiness I can find here. I don't want to weigh you down. Hold you back. Kill your light. Your thirst for love and happiness, for life, has always astounded me. How one person could possibly be filled with so much quiet joy, I'll never understand. **_

_**I don't deserve the kindness of your heart. The love that you waste on me saddens the achiest parts of my chest. I am not worth it, Bella. I know you are going to be so much better without me. I know you won't understand. I don't want you to cry for me. Don't cry for what could have been, because the only thing that could have been, is me bringing you down, breaking your heart and your spirit.  
>I want you to be happy. I want you to smile forever. It's my most favorite thing about you. The way your pretty brown eyes shine when you smile. <strong>_

_**Do you know that Edward loves you, Bella? Do you know that he has always loved you? He's a good kid, Bella, and more than you know, you two are alike. It's almost comical how similar you two are. He's good. He's the only other person in this world whose light shines brightly for me.**_

_**I will always be with you. I promise you, Bella, your life will be amazing.**_

_**I love you,**_  
><em><strong>Jasper<strong>_

Signed, sealed and left for my favorite girl.

xOx

This was the most peace I'd felt. Ever. Was I sad for not being able to comfort the hurt of my family and Bella? That's hard to answer. Did I miss them? I was with them every day. Whether they knew it or not. Esmee seemed a bit more attuned to me. To the small gifts I would leave. Her favorite seemed to be the butterflies when she was working in the garden. That's when she would talk to me. Tell me about Edward and how worried she was for him. Asking me to look over him and bring peace to him.

I made sure they got to the same spot at the same time. Willing the living was a specialty of mine. He needed her as much as she needed him, even if they didn't know it yet.

I had watched as she drowned herself in pills and cautious decisions.

I watched as he went from beating the shit out of every other person in his world, to drowning himself in work.

I listened. At night when the world was silent, each of them speaking to me in their dreams.

He wanted to find her. He wondered how she was.

She wanted to be loved. She wanted to feel comfort and solace.

I took it upon myself to set things right. If I couldn't be with them in life, I would be with them in spirit and help to guide them toward the love that was waiting to be discovered.

If she would let her guard down.

If he could be patient and accepting.

Using her friend, I sent the message, "Don't run away from it, Bee. It could be so good."

I could only do so much on my end. But I'd do it to my best ability.


	14. Chapter 14

"_Down to the edge of the water_

_where we'll spill our guts_

_and we'll name our fears_

_I'll give you this picture_

_keep it and dont_

_be scared  
>And color the coast with your smile<em>

_it's the most genuine thing_

_that I've ever seen"  
>"Carry This Picture"<br>~Dashboard Confessional~_

* * *

><p>He held my hand. Letting go only to pay for our coffee and bagels. He carried the bag of food and his coffee in one hand, so that he was be able to to keep my fingers twisted in his.<br>We didn't talk while we walked. I sipped my coffee and took a seat on an empty bench facing the water. He sat quietly next to me. We both stared out at the water moving in slow choppy waves. The fog was rolling in on the horizon like billowing puffy piles of smoke. A chill ran through me and I pulled the hood of my sweatshirt over my hair.

I suddenly had a lump in my throat and trembling fingers. I knew what was coming. We hadn't ever really spoken about Jasper. I looked at Edward from behind my sunglasses. His face was covered by dark Ray Bans, his hair was hidden under a soft grey beanie hat. His features were sad. The slight down turn in his lips and the way his jaw twitched gave me reason to believe he knew what was coming as well.

Just when I thought I was going to scream from the craziness that was dancing in my head and the tightness in my chest, I felt a calming spread through my body. It started as a tingling on my forehead. It was almost like a misty kiss pressed into my skin and worked its way down my neck and back, through my chest and legs to my toes. I was able to breathe and I almost felt okay in this moment.

"I loved him, you know. I still do. I always will." The air left my lungs in a whoosh and I smiled. A genuine smile at the thought of Jasper.

"He was my entire world for so long, Edward. I guess I just continued to let him be my world, even after he was gone. I mean, it's been ten years and I still ache for him. I still miss him and sometimes I talk to him at night, before I fall asleep."

I pushed my sunglasses to the top of my head, under my hood so I could look at Edward. Where in the world I got the balls to say all of this out loud was beyond me, but it felt good to get it out. To tell Edward.

"He was my very best friend. Even on his bad days, he tried to make me happy. He _did_make me happy."

Edward had turned to face me, removing his Ray Bans. His eyes never left mine. He didn't try to stop me or interject. He didn't touch me. He just listened.

"After he was gone, after you left and the house was empty, I would tell Renee and Charlie that I was spending the night at Alice's house. Remember her?" He nodded once.

"I would bring a sleeping bag and camp out in your backyard. I would lay under the stars, staring up into the black of the night sky and be angry. I was so angry that he left me. And that when he did, so did Esme and Carlisle and you. You all left. I understand why. I don't harbor any ill feelings toward any of you, Edward. I never did. It was just my sadness. My grief. I lost the one person I loved most in the entire world and the second family that I had come to love and enjoy being with."

I took a deep breath and felt another small tingle on the back of my hand. I had the weirdest urge to just keep going. To purge it all.

"I didn't let on to Charlie or Renee the extent of my hurt or pain. I just kept putting it aside. Promising myself that I would deal with it one day. And one day became one year. One year became five, and here I am today." I swallowed and looked him in the eye.

"In the note that he left for me, he wrote about you." Edward's eyes widened as though he were surprised. I nodded and chewed on my lip as I tried not to cry.

"He said to me," my voice wobbled, "'Did you know that Edward loves you?' He said that it was almost comical that you and I were so much alike. That he loved you. And that he would always be with me."

I couldn't say any more. I wasn't sure if I had overstepped a line. If he was going to be embarrassed or angry that Jasper had told me these things.

**xOx**

"He was always very perceptive."

I must admit, I was slightly surprised that Jasper had mentioned me to her at all. Especially to let her know that I loved her. I didn't realize I had been so obvious about the extent of my feelings back then.

It crushed me when she told me about sleeping in the backyard of our old house. My heart broke for her, wishing I could have been there, under that starry night sky, crying with her, grieving alongside the girl who had stolen my heart so long ago.

"I'm so sorry that we left, Bella. You have to know that it killed me to go. To leave you. Even though we weren't super close." I dropped my head into my hands.

"I did love you. He's right. I loved you the instant I met you. I was jealous of him. I was angry because I felt like he had you; This beautiful, wonderful, fucking sexy girl, and he didn't actually realize how amazing you were. Truth be told, I'm actually quite positive he knew. My tormented teenage heart and brain just didn't want to believe it. All I wanted was you. I would have died for a chance." I inhaled at my words. Died for a chance.

"I was so pissed when he died. I wanted to punch him. I wanted to scream at him for leaving me. For making you cry. For making me move away from the only girl I ever cared about."

She was watching me, sadness etched into her features. I reached out, cupping her cheek, my thumb moving slowly over the soft skin of her cheekbone.

"Bella, you have wounded me. You have owned me since forever. No matter who came before, you have always been the one for me."

I watched her eyes as they drifted shut.

"Please don't faint on me again." I smiled when her attention snapped back in an instant.

I pulled her into my lips. Pleading with her heart to listen to mine. Her hand wrapped around the back of my neck, holding me to her. Fingers scratched through the short hair at the back of my head sending fire down my spine.

I pulled back, grinning like a complete idiot at the sweet blush on her cheeks. Her lips were parted, slightly swollen and I wanted to jump around like a little kid, whooping for joy. My heart was doing backflips in my chest. I hadn't felt this light in years.

"Let me show you something. If you don't mind." She nodded and I pulled my wallet from my back pocket.  
>I flipped it open and pulled out a photo. Three grinning kids. Scrawny limbs, dirty faces, mussed hair. One like fire, one like golden sunshine, one like warm cocoa. Arms wrapped around each other. I handed the tattered old photograph to her.<p>

Her hand moved to cover her mouth.

"Oh my gosh. Edward." Her brown eyes met mine. "Look at us." Her finger traced our faces one at a time. A tear rolled down her pale cheek, sending my heart into backflips once again.

"I was what, twelve, in this picture?" Her eyes searched mine and I nodded as she looked back down at the photo. "You were ten." She grinned. "Look at your hair. All over the damn place." Her voice caught in her throat. "Some things never change." Her foot knocked into mine, teasing me.

"He was so cute. Even back then." Her sad smile broke into a little giggle. "I remember, right after this, he chased me through the trees with a garter snake. I was screaming at him to stop and you chased after him telling him you'd 'pummel' him if he let that thing bite me."

Her smile was contagious.

"He was definitely filled with mischief, wasn't he?"

And that's how our afternoon went. Laughing and remembering Jasper. Talking about the silly things we had done growing up. Adventures that life had taken us on, how I ended up back in Seattle.

"I was thinking about taking a week off work, going to see Esme and Carlisle for a few days." I grabbed her hand.

"Would you want to maybe come along? I know they would absolutely love to see you again, Bella."

She nodded. "That sounds nice. I would just need to know when. I can work from anywhere for the most part, so that isn't too much of an issue." She stood, stretching her back, I watched as the sweatshirt rode high and a sliver of her pale soft skin peeked out, teasing me. My fingers ached to trace the tender skin.

"Where do your parents live these days, Edward?"

I dragged my eyes up toward her face finding a knowing smile perched upon her lips.

"They are in Port Angeles." She surprised me and climbed into my lap, straddling my legs, her nose almost touching mine.

"I would love to see them again, Edward."

I silently begged for her lips to touch mine again. Her fingers made lazy tracks over my neck, one finger dragging down the front of my throat causing me swallow back a growl.

"I really like you, Edward." She looked surprised at the omission and I grinned.

"I really like you too, Bella."


	15. Chapter 15

"_I've given everyone I know_

_a good reason to go._

_But I came back with the belief_

_that everyone I love is gonna leave me."_

"_All Alright"  
>~Fun.~<em>

It was after two and I was still in my pajamas. Still in bed. Fretting. Now that I was alone, my mind was going a million miles an hour. I could feel the panic attack coming on. My chest began to tighten, my heart was racing and I was having a hard time trying to even leave the bed to get to my pills.

My phone had beeped text messages a handful of times and Jake's ringtone blared through the silent room four times. I knew he'd be here soon.

As soon as the thought went through my head, I hear the front door to my apartment open and then click closed with a twist of the deadbolt. Soft footsteps moved down the hall to the bathroom where I heard my medicine cabinet open and then shut. I closed my eyes as I felt the tears coming to my eyes again and tried to beat down the anxious feelings that were flitting through my stomach and chest.

My bed dipped behind me and I felt Jake spoon into me. He pulled me closer wrapping an arm around me and held me tight. I tried to calm my breathing, tried to match his own as I had many times in the past. Attempting to breathe in his familiar scent and warmth.

I opened my mouth to speak and my throat seized, nothing would come out and my body just shook from the anxiety.

"Bella," Jake whispered into my hair. "It's okay, baby. I need you to breathe, slowly. Take your time. We will make this better."

He was quiet for some time and eventually I was able to take deep breaths and relax my body.

"Can you sit up for me, Bee Girl?"

I nodded and slowly turned to my back, stared up at the white ceiling above me and pushed myself up to a sitting position. He handed me a small pill and glass of water which I took down right away.

"I'm so sorry, Jake. So sorry." I leaned into him and he wrapped his arms around me, pressing me into his giant chest.

"Stop it, Bella. You have nothing to be sorry about. There is never anything you have to be sorry for." He pulled back and looked down at me. "Understand?"

I nodded and pressed my face back into his neck.

"I love you, Jacob Black. Thank you."

"I know, Bee, I know." He kissed my hair. "I love you, too."

**xOx**

I dropped the chopsticks down on my empty plate and grinned at Jake.

"Thanks for dinner, Jay. I needed that."

He smiled back at me from across the table.

"Any time, Bee." He folded his large hands together in front of him and leaned forward. "So, we gonna talk or what?"

I took a deep breath and sat back in my chair. My gaze slid to the plate in front of me.

"He spent the night." I laughed at the choking noise that came from Jake. "Nothing happened. I passed out. Literally. I fainted." I couldn't help but laugh. "He was a complete gentleman."

"Damn straight he was. I'd have to kick his ass if he'd tried anything while you were out." Though his face looked stern, his eyes danced with humor. "What's with the fainting spell?"

I shrugged.

"I have no clue. I think maybe it was too much alcohol," I raised an eyebrow in his direction and smirked, "and possibly the fact that he was speaking in Italian right before he kissed me." I nodded. "Yeh, I think that about sums it up."

Jake laughed loudly.

"That bastards speaks Italian? Damn. I might have to ask him to be my wingman."

I glared.

"Absolutely not. He's not going to be your wingman, Jake." I glared at him.

A satisfied grin spread across Jacob's face.

"Oh yeh? And why would that be? It's not like you're serious about a relationship, right? You're the one who keeps yourself on the shelf, Bee." His eyebrows raised in mock challenge.

"Shut up, Jake. Seriously." I tilted my head to look up at the ceiling. The fluorescent lights burned into my eyes.

"I like him. I really do. I just don't know how to deal with it."

"I know you like him. I know you more than like him, Bella. I also know that he more than likes you and I can bet he'd be willing to wait it out if you asked him." He took a swig from the bottle of beer that was in front of him before continuing. "I also know that you really need to listen to your heart and figure this shit out, girl."

"We talked. A lot, actually. It felt really good to get it out in the open. About Jasper and all." I bit down at my lip and tore at my paper napkin. "He asked me to go out of town with him to visit his parents. I want to go but I'm so scared. What if they don't like me anymore? What if they don't approve of me being with him? Am I robbing the cradle?"

This earned me a guffaw.

"Robbing the cradle! Bella. Really? He's what, two years younger than you? No. You are not robbing the cradle." He laughed some more. "Please do not use that as an excuse to stay away from him." He shook his head. "And why on earth would his parents not approve of you. You are a smart, beautiful wonderful woman. They'd be stupid to disapprove. When they knew you as a kid, did they ever give the impression that they didn't approve, or didn't care for you?"

I shook my head.

"Well then? Give them the benefit of the doubt, Bee. They never harbored ill will toward you in the past, why would they now? Yes, what you all went through was incredibly sad and painful. Losing someone you love is never an easy thing. You should give them a chance, just like you're giving Edward a chance. I guarantee they will fall in love with you all over again. And who knows, maybe they've been wondering about you all this time. Go with him. Take a few days away from this city and enjoy some down time. Let me know when you're going and I'll be sure to clear you from the schedule."

"Alright. I'll do it." My phone chimed from the living room and I smiled.

**xOx **

I had sent six texts to her today. No reply at all. Did she change her mind? About coming with me? About me in general?

I stepped outside, stretching my legs and then my arms before taking off at a slow jog down the street. I let my mind wander as song after song and mile after mile collected behind me. As the sun dipped behind buildings and finally into the horizon, I stopped running and braced my hands on my thighs, leaning forward to take a deep soothing breath. I could feel sweat run down the back of my neck as I looked up and realized I was standing outside Bella's apartment building. I stopped the music that was playing on my phone and pulled up her number one more time. This time I called.

_Fuck texting._

It rang three times before I heard her timid voice on the other end.

"Hello?"

I stared up at her building.

"Hey. You okay?"

"Yeh. I'm okay. Just had a rough start to my day."

I heard everything she wasn't saying.

_Dammit._

"Edward, I still want to go with you." Her voice paused. "When you go to see your parents?"

A breath escaped my lungs that I wasn't even aware I had been holding.

"Oh. Yeh. Good. I'm glad. I'm really glad. I cleared this next week from work, if you're able to go then? I figured we could leave on Tuesday? That gives you all day tomorrow to pack, or whatever it is you have to do? I told Esme that you might come with me. She's rather excited." I laughed.

"She is?" The uncertainty in Bella's voice rang loud in my ears.

I stepped into the elevator.

"Of course. As is Carlisle. You know they love you." I pressed a button.

"Edward? Are you there? You're breaking up."

"Yeh, sorry, Bella. I was just out for a run, one sec, let me move and see if it helps."

Her voice cut in and out as she answered me.

"What are you doing, Bella?" I stepped out of the elevator and started walking down the hall.

I couldn't stay away from her. Even my subconscious had me running toward her.

"Oh! I can hear you now! Um, I'm just watching a movie and folding laundry." Her voice paused and then came back. "Hang on a sec, Edward, someone's at the door." I heard her movements.

"No problem."

The door opened and there she was, phone in one hand, lips parted, eyes wide. My hands cupped her face, my phone pressing against her cheek as I kissed her shocked mouth.

Her fingers fisted the front of my t-shirt, pulling me closer.

"Sorry." I whispered, as I pulled back. "I didn't intend on bothering you tonight."

"Please, bother me any time." Her small smile lit up all the darkest places inside of me.

_Holy fuck. I'm screwed. And I don't really think I give a shit. _

**xOx **

I didn't stay the night at her place. I stayed long enough to be sure she was really and truly okay and to discuss our travel plans.

Bella in sweats was about as sexy as Bella in lacy pink panties. How in the fuck she managed that was beyond me. Her slender hips swayed seductively, but without knowing, as she crossed the room in front of me. Her hair twisted in waves from her ponytail down her back. My fingers twitched to grab the silky twists and pull her back toward me.

_Down boy._

Damn. Basketball shorts were not going to hide the problem that was slowly growing.

Bella insisted I call for a cab when I was heading out. She didn't want me running in the dark. I had to laugh. It was interesting to have someone other than my own mother concerned for my well being.

She wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug before kissing the front of my throat at the door.

_Jessssus. _

"Text me when you get home. So I know you're safe."

"Will do, Bella." I kissed her sweet lips once more and turned toward the elevator.

It was hard to walk away from her. I was turning into a full blown pussy. I wanted to run back to her door, knock the damn thing down and drag her to the floor with me.

I sent the promised text of my safe arrival and then stripped down for a shower.

**_Edward, what are you doing?_ **

_Was she for real?_

**I'm getting ready to take a shower.**

**_Are you naked?_ **

_Holy fuck. _

**Yes.**

_**Show me.**_

My phone dropped to the bath mat at my bare feet.

**You want a picture, sweetheart? **

_**Yes. Please. **_

I raised an eyebrow at the please.

**Bella, what are -you- doing? **

My phone buzzed in my hand.

_**Thinking about you.** _

I smirked and took a photo of myself careful not to let my junk get in the shot. She'd have to just wait and see that in person.

_**Thank you.** _

I laughed.

**Any time, Bella.**

She was going to kill me. And I was going to enjoy every fucking minute of it.


	16. Chapter 16

"_Hey will you stay awhile_

_My smile will not mislead you_

_Cause I've been alone_

_My faith turned to stone_

_Still there's something in you I believe in."  
>"Good For You"<em>

_~Third Eye Blind~_

I hit the gym early Monday morning with Emmett. Instead of our usual weights, I went for a sparring session.

"Hooks at half speed. I really want to work that out."

Em nodded at me and bounced on his feet with a dumb grin on his face.

"Bring it little man." He dropped his gloved hands to his thighs and pounded once before moving to the center of the ring.

We had a nice round of jab drills, but I had noticed Emmett's footing wobble at one point and smirked.

"It's not even the real thing, Twinkle Toes, what's got you so unbalanced?"

We moved into full on sparring, I was catching his uppers like mad.

"Dude, seriously, what's going on with you, Em?"

He paused and shuffled his feet, "I think Rosie's pregnant man."

And I took an uppercut to the face.

"Fuccckkk!"

"Oh shit! Oh shit!" He tore at his gloves. "Shit. Edward, I am so sorry man."

I was pulling at my own gloves.

"Is it broken?"

Mother fucker it hurt like a bitch!

"Nah, doesn't look bad. Bloody as hell. I didn't get you full on." We left the ring. "Thank fuck we were sparring and not going real rounds, man. Dammit. I'm sorry."

We walked into the locker room and I got a good look at my face as I spit my mouth guard into a cup.

"Not all your fault, Em. I'm the dumbass that stopped moving." I grabbed a handful of paper towels and soaked them in water from the sink, pressing lightly at my nose and mouth.

"Esme is going to love this shit." I pulled the paper away from my face and lifted my chin, looking at the cut on my lip and to check the bleeding from my nose.

"Hey, Esme might get upset, but Bella is going to dig that shit, man. Maybe I just did your ass a favor. Chicks dig scars. They like the bad boy, always trying to fix 'em up and shit. You're getting laid this week. You're welcome." His hand came down on my shoulder and he grinned at me through the mirror. "Yeh, that's hot, bro." His fingers tapped my shoulder and he turned back to the lockers.

I turned around and leaned on the sink, holding my nose, and tried to look at him around my hand.

"So, a little McCarty, huh? That could be really cool, man. That's definitely something." I dropped the used towel into the garbage can and grabbed another clean one. 

"How's Rosie doing? She okay?"

Emmett straddled a bench facing me.

"Yeh. I mean, she peed on the stick and it was all pink lines and shit. Her smile just killed, man. She's so gorgeous." He shook his head. "Damn. I'm gonna a be a daddy."

Was that jealousy churning in my gut? I never really thought about being someone's daddy, but fuck if I didn't want that with Bella. I wanted to watch her belly grow with my child. I don't even care if it's a boy or a girl.

I moved to sit next to him on the bench facing the lockers.

"Congratulations, Emmett. As soon as I get home this weekend, we will have to celebrate. Send my love to Rosie."

**xOx**

I spent the rest of the day with ice on and off on my nose praying that it wouldn't swell or bruise too hideously. It's not like I had never taken a hit to the face, and ones that were ten times worse at that, but damn, I finally get Bella to go away with me and I'm going to show up looking like some sort of thug.

After I had finished packing and loaded everything into my car, I sat on my couch enjoying the most delicious ham and mushroom pizza I had ever had. Most likely because I was absolutely starving. I flipped through some channels and settled on an old Indiana Jones movie. Harrison Ford is the fucking man. Han Solo, Indiana, Blade Runner? Dude was a badass.

I decided to text Bella around eight.

**How's it going over there?**

I grinned when she messaged me back right away.

_**Not too bad. Got my packing done, was watching an Indiana Jones movie on tv.**_

She was watching Indy? I officially needed to marry this woman.

**Me too. To both things, packing and Indy. Hey, I gotta warn you, I took a nice upper to the face today at the gym. I just don't want to scare you off in the morning.**

_**An upper? **_

**Yeh, an uppercut.**

_**To your face! **_

I laughed, turned my camera around and snapped a shot of my smiling busted mug and sent it to her.

She didn't respond for a full five minutes.

_**I'm officially making that your contact picture, Tyler. **_

Oh shit! Did she just reference Fight Club?

**Should I call you Marla? **

_**That depends. Are you going to fight with me over who gets what night at which support group? **_

Oh fuck me. I was going to make this work with Bella. 

**You're much too pretty to fight with. You can have them all. For a fee.**

_**Fee? Elaborate, Mr. Cullen.**_

I smirked.

**I just want a little of your time. That's all. One on one.**

_**Deal.**_

My eyes widened.

**That was easy. I'm going to go ahead and pass out now, Bella. I am not going to push my luck with that easy 'deal' and my face is still hurting me a bit.**

_**Sweet dreams, Edward. I hope you feel better. I will see you in the morning.** _

**Sleep well, Bella. I look forward to tomorrow. **

**xOx**

There was a knock at my door at eight am on the dot.

"Come in!" I ran from the kitchen to the living room and caught a glimpse of Edward's back as he was closing the door behind him.

"Sorry! I had everything ready to go and then I got a call early this morning and apparently some of my articles didn't backup properly. I had to dig my computer out and start all over. I promise, I will be ready in just a few minutes. There's coffee in the kitchen. Vanilla creamer in the fridge. Sugar's on the counter."

I exhaled and made a mad dash for my laptop bag, dragging the cord behind me like a tail.

"I'll just make some coffee and wait. No rush, Bella."

His voice calmed me and I slowed my movements. I wrapped the cord, stuffed it into the bag and then grabbed it and my duffel and dragged them both to the kitchen, dropping them on the tabletop.

"Oh wow. Edward."

I moved forward involuntarily. My hand reached out and my fingers touched lightly over the cut on his lip and the bruise that covered part of his cheekbone.

I raised up on my toes and placed a soft kiss on his lips. I felt the blush burn across my face before I even pulled away.

"Sorry. I just. I got carried away."

He set his coffee mug down and tilted my chin so that I was looking into his deep green eyes. His lips grazed mine once, twice, and then his teeth pulled at my lower lip. His tongue moved over the spot where his teeth had been and I had to grip his forearms to keep from losing my balance. When he pulled back, his eyes were hooded and dark.

"By all means, Bella." His voice was rough music to my ears. "Get carried away."

I blinked a few times and that damn blush came rushing back.

"Come on, I'll carry your bags."

He dumped the rest of his coffee in the sink, rinsed his mug, turned off the coffee maker and grabbed my stuff from the table.

I snagged my purse from the hall table and locked the door to my apartment as we left.

"So, who's taking over for you this week?"

He placed my bags in the back seat of his car and held the door for me to get to get in.

"Thank you." I smiled.

When he got to the drivers side, and started the car he turned to me.

"Some of my appointments I just moved, but the others that couldn't be moved, I asked Dr. Mustlove to take over."

I arched my eyebrow. Was he for real?

"Really? Mustlove?"

He grinned. "Yup. She's the best at what she does."

I nodded and laughed quietly to myself.

_Mustlove._

"_All I want to do is be there_

_For the things that you're going through_

_Well, is it good for you, is it good for you_

_Cause you haunt my nights when_

_I don't know where my life should go"  
>"Good For You"<em>

_~Third Eye Blind~_


	17. Chapter 17

"_I wanna get close to you  
>But you just won't let me in<br>You're pullin' away  
>So my hands can't touch you<br>So you can't feel my pain  
>And there's no secrets<br>Between you and yesterday  
>How do I get through to you<br>That there's no one in this world  
>Who wants you more than I want you."<br>"How Do I Get Through To You"  
>~Dexter Freebish~<em>

The two and a half hour drive from Seattle to my parent's place in Port Angeles started off great. More than great, it was fucking awesome. Bella was chatty and smiled at me and at one point, she leaned in and rested her head on my shoulder.

When we were about thirty minutes out, her demeanor changed. It was as if she were crawling back inside herself. Stacking that wall back up, brick by solid brick. It was amazing the transformation that was taking place right in front of my eyes.

Her eyes were wild, dancing from her lap, where her fingers were twitching, to the windows, watching the lush greenery pass us by. I watched her lips move in silent whispers, was she praying? Her breaths became choppy and that's when I decided it was time to pull over and talk. This was going to lead to a panic attack on her part, fast.

I parked on the side of the road and got out of the car, closing my door and made my way around the front of the vehicle. I watched Bella's face as I rounded the fender and made my way to the passenger side.

Her brown eyes were wide saucers, lips parted, and her hands were shaking slightly.

_Dammit. _I should have known better.

I opened the door and crouched down so that we were almost eye level and took her hands between my own, rubbing gently at the cool touch.

"Bella, sweetheart," I dipped my face to catch her gaze, "you're safe. I promise. I would never let anything happen to you, okay?"

She nodded and her body slid from the seat she was in right into my arms, causing me to fall backwards onto my ass. I wrapped my arms around her and listened to her uneven breathing. Her fingers balled up into my chest, gripping my t-shirt as she buried her face into my neck.

We sat there, on the side of the road for twenty minutes while she regained her composure.

"I... I don't want them to hate me." Her voice was so quiet that had she not been buried in my neck, I never would have heard her.

"Bella. Look at me." I cupped her face and brought her eyes to mine.

"If for any reason you feel uncomfortable, or mistreated, we walk. We will leave and you never have to go back again. I give you my word." I took a slow breath, "But Bella, they love you. They always have." Her skin was cool and soft in my hands.

She nodded; eyes closed and flattened her palms on my chest.

"Edward, was Jasper right?" Her eyes opened to mine, searching as she continued to whisper, "Did you... were you... What I mean is," I could feel my heart pounding like a drum being given a good ass kicking. "did you love me?"

_Oh shit._

She stared at me, all innocence and sweetness.

"Never stopped." My fingers dragged down, catching a long silken tendril of her hair, tugging gently.

The smile that parted her lips was enough to send me to the moon.

**xOx**

After taking a short walk up and down the side of the road to stretch out my now aching muscles, I hopped back into the car with Edward. He handed me his ipod with a smile and pulled back onto the highway.

I scrolled through and smiled when I found what I was looking for.

"You like Augustana?"

He smirked.

"Are you going to call me a pussy?"

I laughed.

"No, definitely not, Tyler."

Edward grabbed my hand and rested it on his thigh. I stared at our twisted fingers, a smile pulling longingly at my lips.

_Never stopped._

It kept playing over and over in my head. And I trusted him. I trusted that the words he spoke were true and honest and it made my heart thump to an irregular beat. I peeked at him from the corner of my eye and realized he was peeking back, causing us both to laugh.

"Shit, Bella, you're gonna make me pull over and do bad things to you if you don't stop that." His voice was sweet and sticky like warm honey.

I rolled my eyes and laughed at him.

"Right. Keep driving."

His hand was hot on mine, causing me to flex my fingers gently. That's when he started singing along with the music blaring through the speakers.

"Can't walk away from what your heart knows... can't trade today for tomorrow... yeah I'm holding on til you let me go."

He stared straight at me as he sang at a red light. I fought my body's natural urge to lunge across the damn seat and dig my fingers through his crazy hair and suck his face off.

_Gah!_

I groaned and looked back out the window. As I watched shops go by on the main drag, it dawned on me that I had just survived a mini panic attack with Edward. That he had held me, quietly, in his arms, and allowed me to breath and work through it.

Edward steered the car down a narrow paved road that turned to gravel and small stones after a mile or so. The trees were lush and dense and fog was rolling through and raced along the road.

"It's so pretty and magical. I almost expect to see a tree nymph flutter by."

_Really, Bella? Out loud? You had to say that out loud? A tree nymph! You need to at least __**pretend**__ to be an adult. _

But Edward didn't laugh at me.

"It is, isn't it?" He smiled, his eyes on the road but his head in the clouds.

**xOx**

The trees parted slightly and then thinned as we came upon a well-manicured lawn. The home was gorgeous. A white colonial with dark shutters. We parked out in a half circle driveway and I stared at the amazing piece of architecture in front of me.

"Wow." The word whispered past my lips on a breath.

It wasn't overly done, overly huge or overly made up. It was perfect. It remained regal and yet felt warm, like a home should.

Edward opened the door for me and I took a deep breath as my feet hit the graveled ground, making soft crunching noises.

Edward leaned around the seat and grabbed our bags, flinging them over his shoulder and taking my hand with the other. I took his strong hand in mine willingly and we walked together toward the front door, up the large cement stairs, painted white to match the house.

"You ready to do this?" His smile was shy and encouraging.

I nodded up at him, returning the smile as he lowered our bags to the ground, never letting go of my hand, and knocked once on the door, which immediately opened to a bright eyed, smiling Esme.

"Edward!" Her arms wrapped around her son and he finally let go of my hand as he hugged her back.

She was dwarfed in comparison to her six foot something son. He practically swallowed her up in his embrace. Their resemblance was uncanny. The same crazy fire and sunshine hair, emerald eyes. Esme's hair though was tad more tame in the color department.

As they moved apart, Esme turned her smile on me, her eyes watering.

"Bella." She held her arms out to me and I eagerly accepted the love she was so honestly giving.

"Oh, sweet Bella." She whispered. "How we have missed you." Her embrace was strong, but not suffocating. I felt the heat of tears prick behind my closed eyelids and swallowed back a shudder.

"I've missed you too, Esme." I didn't even realise how much I had truly missed her until this moment. Like having not seen my own mother in ten years.

I heard a soft sound behind us and looked up to see Carlisle standing in the doorway. He smiled at me the way he used to when I was little and came in with a scraped knee. Like he knew how to make it all better. To make all the hurt go away.

I was immediately swept up into his arms and was crying and laughing at the same time.

I felt Edward and Esme move past us into the house. Giving us a moment.

"Bella Bella quite contrary, how does your garden grow?" He whispered and I cry snorted at the old nursery rhyme he'd reinvented with my name.

He put me back down on my feet and I wiped at the tears running down my face.

"It's good to have you back." His arm rested around my shoulders as we entered the house.

"It's good to be back." And I meant that. I was starting to feel a little bit of the old me creeping back in from the closet I had shoved her into long long ago.

**xOx**

Esme shooed Edward and me upstairs with instructions for him to show me to my room and that lunch would be ready in twenty minutes.

We climbed the stairs in silence, his hand wrapped protectively around my own. I was getting quite used to this and had a feeling I would miss it when we were back in the city and on our own again. No one to hold my hand when I took a cab to work, or while I took the elevator to my floor, no hand to hold as I unlocked my door. I squeezed his hand gently as we came to a closed door.

"Here we are." He opened the door to a spacious, open and bright bedroom. The floors were white wood, the walls were grey and the bed called my name.

I ran my fingers over the white comforter and down the bed to the light blue blankets lying at the foot.  
>There was a small loveseat type couch covered in white fabric against one wall, and above the couch, hanging, was a grouping of odd shaped mirrors in different sizes. There were two small white side tables. One had a blue pitcher filled with fresh bright yellow flowers. The other held a few books and a small lamp.<p>

Edward rested my bag on the end of the bed.

"So, we share a bathroom." He took a few steps across the room to a door that had a white fluffy robe hanging from it.

"And the robe is yours, to keep. A gift from Esme." He tapped the fluffy cotton and opened the door to the bathroom.

Sharing a bathroom with Edward. I liked it.

The bathroom was long, skinny, and bright. The tile on the floor was white and looked like old subway tile. Tiny. The ceiling was arched with beautiful moulding. There was one sink, and the tub was huge with one of those shower heads that made it feel like you were standing in a rain shower. I couldn't wait to try that out.

As soon as I thought it, visions of Edward's bare back, water rolling down his inked skin, twisted through my mind. When I looked up, Edward was rubbing the back of his neck and staring at me.

I moved slowly across the small room and raised up, kissing the bruise at his cheek.

"Thank you, Edward. For everything. I'm really glad I came."

He pulled me into his arms for a long moment.

"Thank you, Bella."

After Edward excused himself to his room through a second door in the bathroom, I placed my toothbrush and toothpaste in a small cup on the pedestal sink and turned the water on. I let the cool liquid wash over my hands and wrists, calming and soothing. I pumped soap into my hands, it smelled of crisp linen and lemons, and I breathed the scent in deeply as I massaged the bubbles over my skin.

Esme and Carlisle had been so welcoming. In a way, I wasn't surprised at all. How I ever came up with the idea that they would hate me is beyond me. Hurt and sadness can do a lot to a person's psyche. Apparently I thought everyone would hate me. Or would hold me partly responsible for Jasper. Even though I was a grown up, even though I knew better, that there was nothing that I could have done for him, there was nothing I could have said, I had no influence on his choices. His choice. But I still loved him. Wasn't love supposed to conquer all?

I shut off the water and grabbed a small blue hand towel and dried my hands just as Edward popped his head back in through his doorway.  
>"You ready to eat?" He grinned and grabbed my hand, pulling me through my room and down the stairs, causing me to stumble and trip. Edward caught and steadied me and we laughed together all the way to the kitchen.<p>

"_You hide behind walls  
>From the ones that love you<br>The one you fear you might fall for  
>And it's hard to ignore<br>The error in your ways."  
>"How Do I Get Through To You"<br>~Dexter Freebish~_

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN**  
><em>

Edward was singing "Wrong Side of Love" by Augustana in the car.  
>A big thank you to Mustlovertp. I'd flip you the bird, but I didn't think it was appropriate in this chapter. ;)<br>BTW, she has an amazing WIP titled "Walk", if you're not reading it, you should be.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N**

**Thank you thank you thank you! For all of the kind words and for reading this crazy little story. To show my appreciation for every one of my lovely readers and as a HUGE thank you for sticking with me, I have cranked out this chapter just for you. Your love goes a long way and each of you is amazing. Again, thank you.**

**And a special thanks to the girl who keeps pre-reading and deals with me via chat every day. You know who you are! *bird***

* * *

><p>"<em>Please forgive me<br>If I act a little strange  
>For I know not what I do.<br>Feels like lightning running through my veins  
>Every time I look at you."<br>"Please Forgive Me"  
>~David Gray~<em>

My eyes fluttered open to soft yellow light filtering through the room I was staying in; I rolled slowly to my back and stared at the white ceiling above me. A smile crept across my sleepy face and my toes curled in excited happiness.

Yesterday was overwhelmingly wonderful. It couldn't have been any better if I had planned it all out myself. Esme made us the best BLT sandwiches and pasta salad for lunch and my favorite sweet tea with mint and honey. I was surprised she remembered these things, though I probably shouldn't have been.

We sat and talked and had a great afternoon that lead to a lazy evening on the back porch. We had grilled spaghetti squash with an amazing roasted tomato topping, grilled shrimp and asparagus. Esme and I indulged in copious amounts of wine while Edward and Carlisle drank Manhattans. There was a fire pit and roasted marshmallows and chocolate. It was almost like being a kid again, a tipsy almost but not quite, drunk, kid.

My giggle traveled through the quiet room and I kicked my legs a few times in bed doing a happy wiggle dance.

I hadn't felt like this in years upon years. My heart flitted with joy and my mouth almost ached from the smile that was permanently tattooed to my face.

The best part of the whole day had been right after I climbed into bed, I was getting ready to put my phone away after sending a few texts back and forth with Jake, when Edward's face peered around the corner from the bathroom door.

"Can I come in?" He smiled a little crooked smile that made him look years younger and almost shy.

"Of course." I sat up and leaned against the headboard.

He walked into to the room wearing a grey wifebeater and blue plaid pajama pants. My throat swelled painfully and my panties were begging and pleading to be removed. The black ink pattern on his one arm drew me in. The lines curved over his shoulder and disappeared down the back of the shirt and all of a sudden I was desperate for xray vision. Just a little peaky.

His bare feet fell silently across the wooden floor and he came to sit on the edge of my bed, he twisted to face me.

"How are you?"

I knew what he meant. Was I going to flip out when the lights went off, that's what he wanted to know.

"I'm good. Honestly, Edward." I twisted my hands into soft sheet and blanket to keep from touching him. Had I not known him as well as I did, the shadows on his face, along with the bruises would have made him look a little menacing. Instead, my entire body was sending out, Do Me Now vibes.

He reached out a hand, almost hesitantly, and lightly ran his index finger from my temple, down the side of my neck to the dancing pulse at the base of my throat. His eyes were fixed on the overly eager pounding skin.

"Bella, I just.. " his voice broke. "I want to taste you, right here." His thumb swept over the sensitive skin.

_Holy shit! _I'm dying. I can't breathe and I am dying.

Edward's head tilted and he moved into my neck. His warm breath exploded on my skin like a nuclear bomb, goose bumps pulled up all over my body and my fingers clenched painfully into the bedding. His lips, soft and moist touched down and my heart skidded to a complete stop and I had to keep myself from passing out again.

_Holy fuck. How does he do that?_

I felt his sharp intake of breath and shuddered. His lips were on my skin again, his tongue swept briefly over the spot where his mouth had just been causing me to moan and press my legs together.

He pulled away and it took everything I had to open my heavy lids and close my mouth. I must have looked like a total tool.

He smiled at me briefly before kissing my lips, standing up and walking out of the room.

I had amazing sex dreams all night long. My need for him was burning out of control.

The clock next to the bed read eight fifteen, so I figured I'd get up and shower and head down for some breakfast. I could hear noise downstairs and could smell the coffee wafting up to the second floor. My stomach rumbled and I laughed again as I grabbed my shampoo and shower goodies from my bag.

I pushed through the door into the bathroom and came to a screeching halt as my eyes landed on naked, wet, Edward skin. A baby blue towel wrapped low around his hips and he was leaning over the sink to shave his face. There was white shaving cream coating his jaw and chin, the room was warm and damp and smelled of masculine sandalwood, eucalyptus and mint.

My knees buckled and I dropped my bag with a loud klunk onto the tiled floor.

Edward twisted in my direction and grinned through the shaving cream.

"Morning."

I nodded.

He laughed quietly.

"I'll be done here in a minute. Then it's all yours." I nodded again and made to leave the room.

"You can stay. Keep me company." He quirked a brow at me and again, all I could do was nod as I took a seat on the closed toilet.

_What in the__** hell**__ is wrong with you, Bella. Jesus! You'd think you'd never seen a man half naked before. He's going to think you're a total asshat._

He went back to shaving, staring at me through the mirror.

"Sleep okay?" Swipe, swipe, swipe, went the razor, revealing more of his lovely skin.

"Yeh. That bed is unbelievably comfortable. I could have stayed in it all day." Which was no lie. I'd had to force myself from bed with thoughts of seeing Edward again.

"Yeh," he laughed, "Esme knows hows to pick 'em."

I couldn't think of anything else to say, anything that wouldn't be completely inappropriate, so I just sat and stared at his reflection in the mirror. Admiring the agility of his hand as he moved the razor across his neck and chin. The way his damp hair clung to his forehead, the tattoo down his back.

_Woah. Deep breaths, Bella. _

"What does it mean?"

His eyes locked on mine through the mirror. I could see tension there in the emerald color.

"What does what mean, Bella?"

He finished shaving, rinsed his razor and set it gently on the sink next to where my toothbrush rested in a cup. He used a smaller hand towel to wipe away any leftover shaving cream and turned to face me.

Why did I feel all of a sudden as if I were in trouble. Had I crossed a line?

I stammered, looking for the right words. It was impossible to think clearly when his gaze was so intense on me.

"Uh.. umm." I pointed hesitantly toward his shoulder. "The tattoo. I mean, a lot of times, when people get them, it's for a reason. There's a story behind it." I rushed on, not breathing, not slowing, for fear he may be angry. "I didn't mean to pry. I just, I was curious and I wondered and I didn't mean anything by it, it's very nice. I like it. I just... " I shook my head. "When I got mine, it was because, well, it has a story and it means something to me and... and now I'm just rambling and sound like an idiot. Please forgive me."

His head cocked to the side.

"You have a tattoo?"

His voice was quiet. Low and thick like he was just waking from a long sleep.

I nodded.

"On my shoulder blade."

He smiled.

"If you don't mind, what is it of?"

His face had softened and the tension that swam in his eyes was gone.

"It's a dandelion blowing apart, but the pieces look like tiny butterflies."

"Perhaps, if I'm lucky, I may one day see it." He crossed his legs at his ankles, leaned back against the sink, hands perched on either side of his hips on the sink ledge.

_Luck has nothing to do with it, Mister. You ask me to get naked right here and now, and I'd do it. _

I felt my cheeks burn.

"Perhaps." I mumbled.

"I got my tattoo for my eighteenth birthday." He turned slowly, showing me his back. He looked at me through the mirror once more, tapping his finger at the top of his shoulder where the ink swirled in a pattern down the one side of his back, ending in an almost hook shape dipping at his waist and under the towel toward his ass.

"The shape, is a 'J', Bella." He sounded almost scared to tell me the truth. I knew, somewhere deep down, that this was for Jasper. Didn't I have my own memorial permanently set in ink?

I stood and removed my shirt. Standing in my bra and sleep shorts I never looked away from his eyes as they followed my movements in the mirror. I gathered my hair up and turned slowly, showing him my back.

I felt the heat of his body behind me before I felt the faint touch of his fingertips along the inked lines.

"It's perfect, Bella." I bowed my head, looking down at my toes before I let go of my hair, letting it fall around my shoulders.

"I really do miss him, Edward."

"I know you do, Bella." His lips pressed against my shoulder blade and I almost cried. But I didn't. And instead I smiled and turned to face him.

"Aren't we quite the pair?" I spoke quietly up at him.

"I'd like to think so." He kissed me once on the forehead and then stepped back.

"I should get out of here, before I.. " He rubbed the back of his neck and took off to his room.

xOx

I rinsed my breakfast dish, which was delicious, let me tell you. I ate like a rabid pig and made no excuses for my appetite. Waffles with delicious maple syrup, a bowl of fresh berries, bacon, a huge glass of oj and two cups of coffee. Now pouring my third and making my way to the back porch with Esme and my laptop to chat and check work emails.

I sat in a large padded chair in front of the glass table we had eaten dinner at the night before.

"Working on vacation, Bella?" Esme's voice hummed to me from a flower bed she was working in.

I closed my laptop after sending off one last email and grabbed my coffee. I walked easily down the stairs from the porch to flowers and sat in the grass next her.

"Just had to catch up on emails." I smiled when she leaned into me, kissing the top of my head.

"Don't work too hard now." She winked.

"Do you and Edward have any plans for the day? Or were you two just going to lounge around the house and relax with us old farts?"

I laughed.

"Esme, you are not an old fart. And I'm not sure. He didn't say anything about going anywhere. I think he's just happy to be here with you guys." I shrugged.

"Well, we are beyond happy to have both of you here." She put her trowel down and dusted off her hands, removing her gloves.

I knew it was coming. She was going to want to talk. I wasn't sure if I was ready, but I couldn't exactly tell her not to.

"Bella, I want you to know, we didn't run away from you." She spoke in precise tones. "I want you to know, sweetie, that we love you. That I love you. No matter what." She took my hand in hers. "It was just so hard for me to be there. To stay in that house. Expecting him to walk into the kitchen, to hug me and look for food. To walk past his door in the morning and hesitating when I would go to open the door to wake him. It was just so hard."

The lump in my throat was making it harder to breath.

"I'm not trying to upset you, Bella. I don't want to see you sad, but I want you to know, that you are loved. You always have been. My son has been in love with you for many many years. He just thinks the world of you, Bella. Always has."

She giggled quietly and pointed at a rather large monarch that had flitted over to the flowers closest to us. She blew a kiss to the butterfly and then grabbed my hand again while standing up.

"Come. I have something to show you." She smiled and wrapped me in a hug before we went back in.

_Always has. _

_Never stopped._

The words turned circles in my head as I followed Esme downstairs to an open room filled with shelves of books.

"Sit." She pointed at a comfy fluffy couch and I did as I was told. Still reeling from her admissions outside, I tried regain some sort of footing here.

How did everyone know that Edward had liked me so much, for so long, when I couldn't even see it with my own eyes back then. Probably because he was oily and pimply and scrawny.. and Mase.

He was two years younger than me and going through puberty and though we'd been friends forever, I just never looked at him that way, because I always had Jasper.

Esme sat next to me and patted my lap tenderly. She held a small forest green album that was tattered and battered and had definitely seen better days. Edward's name was written on the front cover in sloppy boy print.

"This, is one of Edward's most favorite photo albums."

I felt my eyebrows slide up my forehead.

"He's not going to be mad at you for showing me this, is he?"

Esme laughed.

"No, dear. Edward doesn't mind at all. As a matter of fact, these are almost all photos that Carlisle and I took of you kids, Edward only took a few."

We spent a good thirty minutes looking at photos. She would point some out specifically here and there.

Edward was twelve, I was fourteen. I was sitting on the porch at their old house smiling up at Jasper and Edward was staring at me.

Edward was fourteen and I was sixteen, sitting at the dining room table laughing while playing a game of Uno. His eyes bright and visible through his scraggly hair. Looking at me with devotion. At fourteen. There were few more like that, Jasper and I hugging, Edward on the side watching me. It wasn't creepy. It made me sad. Sad that he felt so strongly for someone who didn't know and didn't try to know.

"These ones, these are the ones Edward took." Esme stood and excused herself as I stared at four pictures. Each of them of me. The most recent of the four was taken a week before Jasper died.

I was sitting on their old deck on a rare sunny day, wearing cutoff jean shorts and a Smashing Pumpkins shirt. My hair was in a ponytail and my face was tilted to the sky. Soaking up all the warmth I could.

I didn't even know he was there. I searched back to my memory of that day and honestly, I thought I had been alone, waiting for Jasper to drag his ass out of the house.

"That one's my favorite."

Edward's voice cut through my thoughts. How had I not heard him when he came into the room?


	19. Chapter 19

_You are everything I wanted_

_The scars of all I'll ever know_

_If I told you you were right_

_Would you take my hand tonight?_

_If I told you the reasons why_

_Would you leave your life and ride?_

_You saw all my pieces broken_

_This darkness that I could never show.  
>"Ride"<br>~Carey Brothers~_

* * *

><p>I watched my mom and Bella for a good ten minutes before making my presence known. They were giggly and sharing what seemed to be a very tender moment, I had no intention of interrupting their time together. When my mom looked up and spotted me on the stairs, she excused herself, patting my shoulder lightly on her way out of the room.<p>

I wandered over to where Bella now sat alone and stood behind her at the couch looking down at the page of pictures I had taken. When I leaned in over her shoulder and pointed, commenting on my favorite photo, she jumped and grabbed at her heart with one hand.

I chuckled when she narrowed her eyes at me.

"I didn't even know you were there. Jesus, Edward."

I moved to sit next to her, taking the spot that my mom had been in.

"And speaking of not knowing you were there..." Her voice trailed off as I watched her fingers ghost the photo of her soaking up the rare Washington sun.

I shrugged.

"I was doing yearbook that year, remember?"

Her smile and faraway gaze told me she was thinking back in time.

"You always had your mom's old camera out! How could I forget that?" Her smile faltered, her eyes closed for a moment before she looked back down at the book in her hands.

"Edward," her voice was almost a whisper, she kept her eyes down, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't know. But I can't say that if I had known back then, that I would have acted on it."

I watched her slender fingers move under her eyes, wiping quickly at tears.

"I just, after a while, I just didn't see anything but him. I guess, I figured, if I gave him more, he'd feel better. Be better. That he would snap out of it. That he would go back to being old Jasper." Her chest shuddered with her breath and she closed the book, resting her elbows on her knees, her face sunk into the palms of her hands.

"Hey, hey, Bella." I leaned forward to get closer to her. Always I wanted to be closer.

_Don't fuck this up, Cullen. Don't drop the ball on this._

"Sweetheart, please, look at me." I kept my voice as even as possible without slipping into Dr. Cullen mode. The last thing she needed was to think I was trying doctor her.

She turned her face in her hands, resting her cheek in her palm, her brown eyes were bloodshot and wet.

"Bella, I don't harbor any ill feelings. I never thought bad of you for not noticing me the way I wished you would. Truth be told, I was more angry with Jasper, jealous, if you may." I smiled.

Her eyes went wide.

"Oh yeh. I have no problem admitting that I was angry and jealous. He may be dead, but he was more brother than cousin to me. It's okay for me to admit it. I still love that fucker more than anything. I just didn't believe that he even knew what he had in you." I rubbed my hands together, enjoying the warm friction.

"I realized as I got older, that he did love you. More than my stupid ass was able to comprehend at the time. He did appreciate you and cared about you. I just didn't want to see it. Because I wanted you. And what do brothers do best?" I laughed quietly under my breath.

"We piss and moan and bitch at each other and always _always_ want what the other has. Only, I couldn't just wrestle him for you. You had chosen him. And that's great. It is. I do not hold that against you. I actually admire you for your strength. I admire you for your heart. Your bravery. Your ability to stand behind the people you love the most and not give in. You're a fighter, Bella. I love that about you."

It took every ounce of control that I had to not lean into her soft warm lips. I wished that I could just kiss this better. Make it all go away. I would cover her in pink band-aids if it would fix her hurt. I knew though, that this was something she was going to have to face, though not alone. Never alone. I would be there. Shit. My mom and dad were there if she needed them.

I closed my eyes to gain some amount of composure. We sat in mutual silence for long minutes. I listened to the sound of my own heart, thud thud thud, steady in my chest. I listened to Bella's breathing, soft and even, a comforting sound. As I was getting ready to open my eyes and speak again, I was startled by a warm caress of lips over my own. Bella tasted of cinnamon and coffee and vanilla. My fingers twitched and moved of their own volition to the soft mahogany hair that spilled over her shoulder. I twisted the strands around my fingers pulling her closer, deeper, willing her to open up to me.

"Edward."

Her voice sounded distant in my hazy mind as I attempted to open my eyes. I heard her laugh quietly.

"Hmmmm."

_Wow. You sound like a real educated man, Cullen._

"Edward, I'm ready."

That's all it took. Three little words and my eyes pinged open and my breath stopped short in my chest.

"To move on. I'm ready."

_Ho lee shit._

"Bella." I sat up, angling myself toward her. My hands held her sweet face prisoner as my eyes searched hers. A smile worked its way from one side of her mouth to the other dazzling me into silence once again.

"Would you go out on a date with me?"

Her laughter only encouraged my good mood. I stood and grabbed her up in my arms, planting loud kisses all over her happy face.

**xOx**

I sipped from the to-go cup of Starbucks coffee as we drove through town, wondering where in the world we were headed.

The fog had come in, blanketing the earth in dew and mist. It had also become a tad chilly and I was grateful for the extra black and white striped sweatshirt I had packed in my bag, along with the fingerless gloves I had found tucked into one of the pockets.

Edward was sporting a black leather jacket, so soft I could have fallen asleep on it, and a knitted black beanie hat. His dark jeans were worn in and well loved. He looked absolutely delicious.

Lost in thought, Edward nudged me as the car came to a stop in front of what looked like a gingerbread candy land house. I stared through the windshield at the enormous pink and brown sugar coma come-to-life building. The A frame roof was brown and painted to look like two pieces of graham crackers. There was lumpy white "icing" sealing the crackers at the top and down the sides. Giant peppermints were painted on the front walls and the rest of the building that jutted out the right side was pepto pink with gumdrops and twizzlers painted around windows.

"Umm, what is this?" I turned to face him in the car but his smile distracted me and he jumped out of the car before answering. As I stepped out of the warm vehicle, a chill ran down my back and I couldn't stop staring at the massive cavity inducing monstrosity in front of us.

Edward's hand engulfed my own and he gave me a tug while chuckling softly.

"Come on, Bella."

I stumbled behind him and we tripped together through the glass door laughing.

"Sorry." I smiled up at him and he just shrugged.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes in the entryway.

I could smell candy and hot dogs, cheap pizza and french fries. My taste buds were hollering for a taste of orange soda. I could hear the pinging sounds of pinball machines and the wooden clank of the skee-ball machines coming to life; kids laughing and little feet chasing around the games.

"Bella?" I felt Edward's fingers on my cheek, pulling me from the overdose of childhood sensory.

"I want orange soda." Edward laughed, a deep and warm sound. His eyes crinkled and his nose smooshed up a little and I laughed along with him.

"You got it. But first, I challenge you, Miss Swan, to a game of mini golf. Do accept this challenge?" His eyebrows were raised and his face fell in mock seriousness as he held out a pink putter for me to take.

"I accept your challenge, Mr. Cullen and will gladly wipe the putt putt course with your butt." I grabbed the pink putter and took a deep bow. "Game on." I looked up and winked before straightening.

We played eighteen holes of mini golf and I did, indeed beat the snot out of Edward. The course was like every fairy tale come to life; Goldilocks and the three bears, Cinderella, Red Riding Hood, Hansel and Gretel. It was pretty spectacular.

"I think I remember cheap cheese pizza and orange soda differently. It used to kick ass, this kind of... doesn't." I looked down at the half eaten pizza pie between us at our table and the half drank pitcher of bright orange drink and laughed.

"I'm sure it's because they changed the recipe." Edward smirked at me and rubbed his flat stomach.

**…**

When we got back to the house that night, Esme and Carlisle were already in bed for evening. The house was dark minus a small table lamp in the entry hall and a small light on the wall going up the stairs.

When we reached the door to the room I was staying in, Edward wrapped one arm around my waist and pushed the fingers from his other hand through my hair, pulling me into him.

I stared, not breathing, up into his hooded emerald eyes.

"Bella," he muttered, "I'm gonna need you to go ahead and breathe so that I can kiss you goodnight without having you pass out on me again." A smile quirked one of side of his mouth as I attempted to inhale.

His lips met mine in a warm embrace. I could taste cheap pizza on his breath and it was heavenly. His tongue met mine for only a brief moment before he pulled back. He dropped airy kisses over my chin, cheeks, nose and forehead.

"Sweet dreams, my sweet Bella."

I could do nothing but nod and try to convince the burn of a blush that was creeping toward my neck to go away.

"Thank you, Edward." I smiled and then pushed through my bedroom door.

I slipped into a pair soft cotton shorts and a tshirt before climbing into bed and immediately passing out.

**…**

I bolted upright in bed hours later. Limbs shaking and eyes searching through the darkness of the room trying to calm myself.

_It was just a dream. It was just a dream. _

A tree branch scratched at the bedroom window and rain pelted at the glass. I was up and moving before I even had the time to think about what I was doing. I ran through the bathroom and didn't even pause when I opened the door to Edward's room. I ran across the cool bedroom floor and hoisted myself up into his bed. He rolled quietly toward me and pulled me into his warm sleepy grasp. I shuddered, trying to relax, and pushed myself further into his body.

"Shhhh. S'alright, sweetheart." His words whispered at my ear. "You're safe. Sleep."

And I did.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**  
>Ohhhh Bella... *sigh*<p>

I would like to say THANK YOU! To everyone who has read and is reading this story. Your kind comments and messages have been so appreciated. Much love to you all. xOx


	20. Chapter 20

**_Just a note:_ You may need a tissue for this chapter. Things have to get worse before they can get better, right?**

* * *

><p><em>I got close to your skin<br>While you were sleeping  
>I taste the salt on<br>Your hands  
>I reached out to touch you<br>The morning light disarms you  
>Won't you let me in?<br>"Your Surrender"  
>~Neon Trees~<em>

* * *

><p>I woke to unfamiliar surroundings and a heavy and very warm body, wrapped around my own. I blinked into the dimly lit bedroom searching for something familiar. I could feel the panic rising in my belly as my eyes darted from a covered window to a desk and chair in a far corner. I looked at the arm draped over my waist. Masculine; roped with muscle and dusted in a fine coating of hair. Long blunt fingers wrapped around me possessively. I felt my breath quake in my chest.<p>

_Where in the hell am I?_

"Shhh."

My eyes shot wide open.

"It's okay, Bella. It's just me."

I twisted quickly to face the voice.

"Edward?"

His sleepy grin tore at my heart.

"Shit. What the..." I closed my eyes remembering having had a nightmare and running straight into Edward's waiting arms.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, crowd you." I peered up at him. "You must think I am such a child."

He pulled me closer until our chests were touching and was that...? _Woah._

"No. I don't think you're a child." He smirked. "I think you had a bad dream and needed to feel not so alone. Am I right?"

His fingers rubbed slow circles into my lower back as he spoke.

"Right." I mumbled.

My back arched of its own volition as he pressed into tight muscles.

"Ohhhh godddd, that feels amazing." I moaned like a whore on her back with her legs spread wide. I just didn't give a shit.

His fingers stopped their massage and I cracked an eye open. His crazy bedhead was absolutely the sexiest thing I had ever seen. His eyes were a startling shade of deep jade as he stared intently at my face.

"Edward?"

His hand came up to my cheek, fingers sliding to the hair at the back of my neck. He pulled gently, my face tipped upward and his lips met mine a slow soft caress. I've never been keen on nasty morning mouth kissing, but fuck me, I was changing my mind.

I rolled into him, pushing him back into the bed, my tongue tasting his soft lips, I straddled his hips, groaning when he pulled me tighter against his solid body. I let my fingers wander down his naked side. Tracing lines through the dips of muscle and over the ridges of his ribs. His skin jerked under my touch fueling my boldness. Edward's fingers tightened in my hair, forcing my face to turn slightly, his lips ran down my neck, nipping and sucking at the sensitive skin.

My fingers paused when I realized there was no elastic waistband in their path. Just smooth hot Edward skin.

"Oh god." My words swirled heavy in the air like thick billowing smoke.

"You're naked." I turned to face him, my hand dipped lower over the the line of what must make up one side of a magnificent V.

"Jesus, Bella." His hands clamped down tight at my hips. As he pushed me down onto himself, he thrust forward causing me to whimper at the hard pressure between my legs. My mind swirled with the thought that the only thing between us was a sheet and my clothes. I wanted it all gone. Edward's fingers curled and flexed into my skin driving me mad.

I watched as his eyes closed, his chest rose and fell in a deep breath and his fingers relaxed at my sides. His hands skimmed up my sides, over my shoulders; his eyes opened as he placed a hand over my spazztic heart.

"Not here." His voice was thick like warm caramel. "When we do this, I want to hear you." He touched my frown. "I don't want anyone else to hear you." His eyes shot to the bedroom door and back to mine.  
>Deflated and defeated, I rested my head on his shoulder. His arms wrapped around me and our hearts beat a crazy rhythm together.<p>

**….**

Two hours later we were showered.. separately, dressed, fed and in the car on the way to wherever it was that Edward was taking us for the rest of the week.

"It's not far. I promise." Edward's hand covered mine causing my insides to pulse with lust.

How in the hell did he do that? I snuck a quick glance at his profile from the corner of my eye and all I wanted to do was jump him. I didn't care if the car crashed. So long as I was naked and on him and around him and … and.. I pressed my thighs together, screwed my eyes shut tight and counted to ten in my head.

"You okay over there?" I could hear the smile in his words.

"Just fine." I rolled my eyes and pretended to be completely absorbed in the song playing through the speakers.

In the distance I could see a large green highway sign with the words, 'Lake Crescent' written across it in bold white font. Were we going there? Is this his surprize?

Oh god. I crossed my fingers and prayed we weren't going to take the next right exit. My heart skidded to a complete stop as the car moved fluidly off the highway toward the one place I really didn't want it to go. I willed the stupid vehicle to break down; to sputter out on the side of the road. Instead, it moved forward as if in defiance of all my wish making.

_Fuck you, car. _

I bit at my tongue and took a deep breath. We drove in near silence for the next ten minutes, through winding roads and thick forest. I knew exactly where we were going. I'd been here numerous times growing up. We would pull through the trees and park at the end of a blacktop driveway. We would be facing a magnificent home made of glass and huge logs. There would be thick bunches of purple, pink and white hydrangea bushes lining the ground at the front door.  
>Behind the house there was a tree with initials carved deep into its side.<p>

**JW, BS, EC**

All scratched in by the hands of ten, twelve and thirteen year old kids.

I jumped back to the present when the car stopped and Edward turned to me, beaming.

"I snagged the keys from my mom and dad for the rest of the week. We get the whole place to ourselves." His smile never wavered. "I made sure there were two kayaks in the garage and had Esme come out and stock the food for us. We can just relax and enjoy a few down days."

_Oh god. _

I could feel the swirling grip of panic in my stomach. I could feel it leaping toward my chest, attempting to pull me under. It was getting harder to breathe. The last time I was here, I was fifteen, going on sixteen.

Edward was staring at me, so I slid on a happy Bella face and fumbled for the door handle. I needed fresh air. Lots of fresh air. I needed a pill. That's all. I would get my stuff out of the car and go take a pill in the bathroom. It would fix everything. It was going to be okay.

I wrung my hands while I waited behind Edward as he unlocked the door and pushed it open. I was greeted by a flood of memories and the familiar scent of freshly cleaned hardwood floors.

"Come on, let's put our stuff away." Edward took my hand and we climbed the dark wooden stairs to the second floor. My chest clenched again and I struggled to remain composed.

"Same rooms?"

He grinned, and nodded.

Thank god, he hadn't noticed my inner freak out. Though, I was getting more and more nervous. His job had trained him to read people and their emotional state. I just prayed I could get through the next half hour or so without him noticing a change.

_Keep smiling, Bella. Keep breathing. We just need to make it to the bedroom, get our pills and some water and we're good._

I dropped my bags on the bed in the room I used to occupy as a kid. The same dresser, blanket and rug covered the floor. I flung open my bag and started digging. I just needed one. One helpful little pill. One. I became frantic when I couldn't find what I was looking for, dumping the bag on its end, spilling its contents all over the quilt. My fingers trembled and my chest seized as I dug and pushed and scattered bits of my life all over the bed and floor.

"Not there. It's not here." I muttered over and over.

_Try the duffel. _

I dumped my clothes all over the floor. I emptied my purse. My chest was aching, throbbing and tight. I slumped down in a corner of the room, pulling my knees to my chest as tears poured down my cheeks. I gulped for air. All I could see were images of Jasper. Grinning at me. Holding my hand and sitting on the dock.

"_I'll always be here, Bella. Forever. You and me."_

It was too much. Too much. Pictures. The pictures were everywhere and talking about it and seeing it and being here. Too much.

"Too much. Too much." I could hear the insanely odd noises I was making. I couldn't stop it. The gulping noises, the high pitched breathing. I was going to die right here. My chest was going to implode.

Knocking. Knocking. Knocking.

"Oh fuck. Oh Bella."

I could hear the words, I couldn't respond. I was just sinking.

"Bella, sweetheart, I'm going to touch your hands. Okay?"

_I hear you._

"I need you to breathe, Bella. I need you to breathe for me."

I wanted to scream and I couldn't get it out. My chest. My heart. I was going to explode.

"Bella, you're safe. We're going to get through this. We're going to do this. Together." I felt his hand on my own.

"Deep breath." I attempted to make eye contact. "That's perfect, Bella. That's perfect. Breathe."

"I hate this!" I screamed.

"I hate him for making me like this! I hate him. I hate him. I hate him!" My body was hurting from being so tense. "I hate that I trusted him! I hate that he left me! I hate him!"

Edward said nothing. His hand held tightly to my own.

"I can't breathe. I can't breathe. It hurts. I need..." I sobbed. I sobbed loud and snotty all over Edward's shirt. I pushed my way into him, his arms went around me and held me. Still, he didn't speak. I listened to the sounds of his breaths at my ear. I shook and my insides stuttered as I attempted to calm myself.

I focused my attention on Edward. Warm, safe arms. Strong shoulders. His even breaths. Calming. I felt my body shudder as I drew in choppy breaths.

**xOx**

To say I was shocked as fuck to find Bella in the corner of her bedroom, on the floor having a massive panic attack, would be an understatement. My heart hit my stomach and did a backflip before I even had a chance to get to her.

This is why they say you can never treat friends and family. You get too emotionally involved and you miss things. You don't see the signs in time and, _BAM!_, you have a full blown breakdown on your hands.

All of her personal items, clothes, her purse, were torn apart, strewn from one side of the bed to the other, onto the floor. She was obviously searching for her meds. Jesus. She left them at home. I had my bag here. I could write a prescription for something myself, but shit, that would be a fucking step in the way wrong direction.

_Please let me be enough to get her to calm down. Please let me get her through this. Please let her be okay. _

Then she started screaming. Over and over, "_I hate him!"_. It rang through the silent room and vibrated on my heart. Pieces of me started breaking for her. It was my fault she was here. I didn't think about the fact that she had so many memories here. I was the asshole she should be hating on right now. I was the irresponsible jackass who didn't think with anything more than his dick for the last three days.

I did the best I could in the situation. When she climbed into my arms, I held her. I kept my breathing as even as possible. As calm as I could. It would do no good for her to know that I was hurting for her. She needed calm. I could give her that. I shifted, crossing my legs and pulled her closer. I didn't speak for long minutes. Thinking things over. Trying to come up with a plan to get her out of here. If she wanted to go home, I'd just have to deal with that. If I could get her stay, in a hotel with me, I would.

_Fuck. There you go again, douche, thinking with your dick. _

I knew for a fact that she didn't hate Jasper. She had no room for that in her heart. But she was hurting. She hadn't yet fully faced this head on and talked about it. I should have known this was going too well. Too easy.

When she had been calm for about ten minutes, I spoke quietly.

"Bella? Sweetheart?"

She didn't answer. Didn't move. I shifted and looked at her face. Fast asleep. Not a surprize; panic attacks could drain a person rather quickly. I stood as carefully as I could and carried her into my room. I laid her gently on the bed, taking care to remove her shoes and my own, before laying down behind her. I tucked her snug into my chest and pulled the covers over our bodies.

**….**

"Edward?"

I felt small hands moving over my chest, fingers on my cheek.

"Edward, wake up."

Lips. Lips on mine. I reciprocated the gesture, sweeping my tongue over the soft mouth being offered to me.

"Edward." The lips spoke into my own. "Wake up."

_Oh shit! Bella!_

My eyes flew open to a pitch black room.

"Bella?" I croaked.

"It's okay. I'm okay." She whispered.

My eyes began adjusting to the darkened space and I could make out her face. I grabbed it in my hands, and pulled her to my lips.

"Jesus, Bella. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, sweetheart, but you are not okay, baby." My heart shattered at the admission. She was broken inside for Jasper. Though the ache and longing would never go completely away, she needed to get some sort of therapy to talk it all out. I knew I couldn't be that for her.

"I know. Edward. I know." Her sigh washed over my neck. "I put it off. I insisted to myself that I could do this. No big deal. I could handle myself. It wasn't the right thing to do. I was stupid to think I could just deal with myself."

"No. Not stupid at all. We all want to be able to fix ourselves in our way. In our own time." There was something else bothering me though. "Bella, who's been writing your prescriptions? If you're not seeing someone, how do you keep getting refills?"

I felt her shrug into the bed.

"Renee has a friend. She just sends it to me."

_Holy fucking christ. _

"Bella, that's illegal and not healthy."

"Again, I know."

"I take it you forgot your meds at home?" She nodded against my shoulder. "Do you want to go home? Do you need to go home?"

"No. I want to stay. With you."

Well screw me sideways. I had hoped, but I didn't think she'd actually want to stay.

"Okay. I want you to stay too. But I need you to tell me when you're feeling overwhelmed, Bella. I need you to do that for me, okay?"

"Yes. Okay." Her voice was quiet, but strong. Firm.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?"

I felt the bed dip and shift as she sat up. Heard the rustling sound of fabric.

"Bella?"

I was enveloped in bare, satin skin. Lips moved along my jaw, my hands ran down the length of her naked spine.

"Bella, if you.." I was cut off by a finger pressing against my mouth.

"Shut up, Edward. I've wanted to do this since the moment I first saw you standing across the street from me. It's all I ever think about. I just want you. I need you."

_I need you too. _

_I've become your shadow  
>I'd love, but don't know how to<br>I'm always lost for words  
>You look like a thousand suns<br>I wanna be the only one left  
>When your day is done<br>I can't have you close  
>So I become a ghost<br>And I watch you.  
><em>"_Your Surrender"  
>~Neon Trees~<em>

* * *

><p><strong>AN<strong>  
>So you made it through... I hope you're still with me and haven't given up hope for these two yet. Much love to you all.<p>

A special round of love for my girl, Mustlovertp. I appreciate your special smooshy eyes.


	21. Chapter 21

_I'll be true, I'll be useful,_

_I'll be cavalier...I'll be yours my dear._

_And I'll belong to you_

_If you'll just let me through._

_This is easy as lovers go,_

_So don't complicate it by hesitating._

_And this is wonderful as loving goes,_

_This is tailor-made, what's the sense in waiting?_

"_As Lovers Go"  
>~Dashboard Confessional~<em>

"Shut up, Edward. I've wanted to do this since the moment I first saw you standing across the street from me. It's all I ever think about. I just want you. I need you."

I felt his warm hands pause over my naked back, just before he bit down on the finger that I had laid against his lips; he pulled me into his chest and rolled until he was looking down at me. His tongue swirled over the tip of my finger before his teeth let go and his lips seared mine.

I shut my eyes and just felt. My hands drifted in delight over his back, gripping the hem of his shirt and pulled at the fabric until his lips released mine. His head bowed, his shoulders flexed and arched as he stretched out of the offending clothing. I threw it across the room and heard it land in a soft puddle on the floor.

Edward's hands cradled my face, his weight resting on his forearms.

His lips and breath skimmed over my chin to my lips.

"This is probably the most inappropriate time to say this," his voice was heavy and gravely. "but god, Bella, I love you."

His words whispered to a place deep inside of me that I didn't even know was there. All these years I'd thought I'd known what it was to be in love and lose, when really, I had never been there before. I didn't want this to end. I didn't want him to go. To leave. I wanted this more than anything I had ever desired in my life. I wanted Edward and it hit me like a bus on a busy downtown street.

I swallowed back the lump in the my throat and nodded. I couldn't open my mouth, I wasn't about to ruin this with tears and sobs. Instead, I locked my hands behind his neck and pulled him into my lips. Tasting him. Enjoying the soft textures and warmth of his tongue as it moved slowly against my own. Savoring the sounds that came from deep inside his chest. The vibration it caused against my breasts.

I poured everything I had into that kiss; my want for him, physically and emotionally, my heart and my soul. I put it all out there for him. Because whether I was ready to say it out loud or not, I belonged with him, to him, and no matter what I did to try to starve that part of me, he was feeding it, bringing it to life.

His lips left mine aching and swollen. He did a slow dance with tongue and teeth over my throat. My toes curled and my spine arched when his warm breath washed over my breast.

I moaned some nonsensical sounds and wove my fingers deep into his thick mess of hair, pulling him closer to my skin. He merely teased at my overly sensitized skin and skimmed over my ribs, his tongue dipped into the hollow of my belly causing my legs to squeeze around his torso.

He looked up at me, a roguish grin tipping his masculine features and felt my entire body flush when he hooked my panties with his fingers and slowly dragged them down my thighs. His lips sampled every tender and intimate curve of my body as he made his way down to my ankles.

Moonlight shone through the windows and washed his bare skin in blue light. He stood at the end of the bed slowly working each button on the fly of his jeans. He never took his eyes from my own and when his pants fell from his trim waist, I realized he was a commando kind of guy. I licked my lips and raised myself up on my elbows to see him better. Staying put, he reached one long, toned arm out to a drawer next to the bed and pulled a condom from a box.

"You don't need that." God I wanted to feel him. Just Edward. Nothing between us.

He stilled for a moment.

"You're sure?"

I nodded.

"I'm positive."

He tossed the foil packet to the ground and crawled back up the bed, between my parted legs. I felt him press against me and I wrapped my legs around his waist in welcome.

"Look at me, Bella." He knotted our hands on either side of my face, joined, they sunk deep into the pillow that my head was resting on. I gazed into his piercing, nearly black, eyes as he entered me.

"Oh god." It was perfect. He was perfect. He filled me physically and along with it came the emotional fulfillment. It was just, _right_.

His movements were slow, steady, driving me closer and closer to to an edge I didn't ever want to fall off of.

As if reading my mind, Edward rocked his hips into me with force. Pressing further into me.

"Go, Bella, there will be more. I promise, sweetheart. Fuck." He sucked in a sharp breath.

I met his every stroke with my own and when I came, my heels dug deep into his backside and his name left my lips in sacred oath. His hands clenched tightly to mine, his face buried in my neck when he came apart inside me. With me.

I heard him mumble against my shoulder.

"My Bella. I love you."

**xOx**

I flexed my fingers and opened my eyes when I realized I was caressing a very firm and very gorgeous, bare ass.

Bella was dead to the world, her breathing soft and even, crazy amounts of hair spilled over her cheek and around her pillow.

Soft, grey, late morning light came into the room and I brushed my fingers across the ink on her back, her skin smooth like fine silk.

I closed my eyes and pored over memories from the previous night. We'd come together four times before tumbling exhausted into bed at almost five a.m. Bella was expressive and emotional and _fuck _she could do things to me with her sweet little body that I never knew existed. She gave like a saint and took like a woman starving. It was the best sex of my life. So why then, was I was feeling guilty. I didn't pressure her for it. I didn't beg or take anything she wasn't willing to give.

I worried about her though. She was in a very fragile place. I wasn't sure that this wouldn't put her over and under. I should have had more control over myself, shouldn't have let it go this far. Not after her breakdown.

_Fuck._

I scrubbed my hands over my face and took a deep breath. Was she going to hate me when she finally woke up? Would she run away from me? What in the fuck had I done?

I felt her waking. Her long legs moved against mine under the sheet, her arm lifted and draped across my stomach. God that I didn't love this woman. What I wouldn't do for her. Do to her. My dick jumped under the cool sheet when her sleepy voice called my name.

"Edward."

"Hmmm?" I rested my arm along hers and used my other to pull her closer to me. "You okay, sweetheart?"

She nodded into my shoulder. Her hair tickling my arm and neck.

"Best ever."

I nodded, closed my eyes and tried to be still for a moment. Trying to decide if I should apologize for my lack of decorum in her time of need, or to just keep my mouth shut. The part of me that wanted to keep my fat mouth shut also wanted to roll on top of her and slide home, listen to her moan and feel her hot and tight around my dick.

"Edward. What's wrong?" I felt her shift, raise up. She was staring down at me. I could feel her sweet gaze burning into my closed lids. She pushed my chest lightly with soft fingertips.

"Bella." I breathed, opening my eyes. She looked so sweet, so loved and so welcoming. "What happened last night, I was wrong. I shouldn't have, we shouldn't have, jumped into bed. I should have comforted you in another wayyoooph" I choked off the rest of my sentence when a little fist connected with my gut.

"Dammit, Bella. What the hell?" I groaned and rubbed my stomach.

"Shut up, Edward. Just shut up. You are _not_ going to ruin this for me. You are _not _allowed to feel guilty because we did what we've both wanted to do since we first saw each other again." Her eyes were fire and her tone was lethal. The lady meant business and I'd fucked up.

"You can sit here and wallow in your unreasonable guilt." She sat up, the sheet falling away from her body. "But I am going to go enjoy my morning-after with a cup of coffee on the porch." She twisted on the bed, angling her back to me as she stretched her arms above her head, legs dangling over the edge of the bed. The lean lines of arms melted into the arch of her back, soft curves rounded into her sweet ass. She took one last look at me over her shoulder before leaving my bed and walking out.

"Idiot. You fucking asshole." I shoved a pillow over my face to muffle a frustrated growl.

_Don't let her get too far. Go after her you dumbass._

I lept out of bed, grabbed a pair of old grey sweats from my bag and stumbled as I tried to put them on while running down the hall. I felt my feet slip going down the stairs and had to steady myself. Would do no good to bust my ass now.

When I rounded the corner to the kitchen, my breath caught in my chest. She was gorgeous, almost painfully beautiful. She had her back to me, wearing nothing more than panties and a tshirt. Her legs were crossed, elbows on the counter top, she had a pen in her hand and looked to be doodling on a small scrap paper. Her hair was a piled mess at the top of her head and I wanted more than anything to reach out and unclip it. To watch the mess tumble around her face and across her shoulders.

I stepped up behind her and silently rested my hands on her hips. I felt her jump a little and then heard a soft breathy sigh. I leaned into the soft hollow of her neck, pressing my lips over the porcelain white skin there.

"I'm sorry, Bella." I whispered at her ear. "I do want you. A lot." As if to prove a point, I pulled her ass back against the raging hard on that was tenting my pants. "But it's more than just physical, Bella. I want all of you. Understand?"

I watched as goose bumps broke out and ran up and down her arms and licked my lips when her pulse kicked up at the side of throat.

She turned slowly in my arms to face me, her hands skimmed over my arms and came to rest on either side of my face.

"Yes." Her voice was quiet, soft as she rose up on her toes, pulling me into her lips.

**….**

We floated side by side in the water in separate kayaks. We'd been out paddling for about an hour and decided to head back toward the cabin. The clouds were looking ominous and I didn't particularly care to be stuck in the middle of the lake in an ice cold downpour.

We had been at the cabin for three days, the thought of heading home tomorrow was weighing heavily on us both. I didn't want her going back to her apartment. I wanted her with me. All mine. I was going to be lonely without her in my bed. Without her company over breakfast and her laughter when I chased her down the hall with a garter snake I had found by the front door. I was going to miss having her sitting on the opposite end of the couch, not even touching me, her nose buried in a book while I watched tv quietly. Life with Bella just felt right.

As soon as it was appropriate, I would ask her to move in with me. Or move in together somewhere new. She could choose. I didn't care, so long as she was there.

**xOx**

I unlocked the door and it swung slowly open. Home. I pushed into the hall and dropped my bag on the floor and my purse and keys on the entry table. I turned and smiled at Edward.

"Tomorrow. Dinner. Any place you want. I'll even cook for you if you don't want to go out. Bring your work with you, I don't mind." His eyes searched mine briefly before he leaned in and pulled me into a searing kiss.

_Ask him to stay. Tell him to stay. Tell him you want him to be here. _

My mind pushed and prodded at me. I ignored my mind though. Dammit. I'm a grown ass woman. I've lived alone for a long time. Other than Riley or a college dorm. Get your shit straight, Bella. Say goodnight and go shower and go to bed. Mentally, I wiped my hands of the issue.

We parted, breathless and I smiled, wrapping my arms around his warm body, breathing his scent in.

_Tell him you're going to miss him. _

_Shut up. _

"Kay. I'll see you tomorrow after work." Regretfully I let go of him and walked him to the door. He leaned in and kissed my forehead quickly before turning and walking quickly down the hall to the elevator.

I wandered off to shower, alone. I put on my pajamas and jumped into bed, alone. I laid and stared at the dark ceiling, alone. It was too quiet. I thumped my pillow and closed my eyes. I tensed and relaxed my muscles from head to toe, one at a time. Usually this helped me release stress and zone out. Not tonight. No siree. Tonight I was going to have to fight for sleep.

"Jake. Not coming in today. I will work from home and email everything to you. Didn't sleep well. Going back to bed. I love you." I made some obnoxious kissing noises and hung up on the voice mail, rolled over and passed back out until almost three in the afternoon.

**….**

It had been two weeks since we'd come back from the cabin. Every night was the same as the one before. The first week I flat out refused to admit I was lonely. And not just lonely, I missed Edward. The second week, I finally came to grips with the fact that I wanted more, that perhaps I was ready for more. It wasn't like this with Riley. I never fretted or wondered what he was thinking.

I knew that Edward wanted me. He told me that he loved me, on more than one occasion. At night, when I laid in bed alone, when my chest was at its achiest, when the world was quiet and sleepy, that's when my heart told me all the things that my mind hadn't registered. I was in love with Edward.

Which is how I ended up at his front door at two a.m. on a brisk Wednesday morning. I knocked a handful of times and then straight up pounded.

"What the hell?" His voice was cranky and irritated and the door flung wide open. He looked down at me and I immediately saw the panic.

"Bella. Are you okay? Is everything okay?"

"No. No, I'm not okay." I twisted my fingers together, staring at my shoes.

"Sweetheart?" He took my hand to pull me inside but I shook my head.

_Do it. Do it. Say it._

I swallowed, looking up into his wide green eyes.

"I just came here to tell you.. I mean, I wanted to tell you that I miss you. I miss you at night when I'm in bed. I miss you when I'm at home making dinner for myself. Or when I do the laundry or watch a movie." I felt the hot prick of tears rim my eyes.

"Shhhhh. Bella. Baby, it's okay." He stroked a gentle hand over my cheek.

"I love you, Edward." He stared blankly into my eyes, causing me to bite nervously at my tongue. "Am I too late?"

He hooked an arm around my waist and lifted me into his apartment, closing and locking the door behind us. He set me back on my feet and brought his hands to my face, holding me captive.

"Do you know how long I've waited for you? I love you, Bella. Forever."

Our lips touched and I was finally where I was always meant to be.

_And I said "I've gotta be honest_

_I've been waiting for you all my life."_

_For so long I thought I was asylum bound,_

_But just seeing you makes me think twice._

_And being with you here makes me sane,_

_I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my side._

_You've got wits... you've got looks,_

_You've got passion but are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?_

"_As Lovers Go"  
>~Dashboard Confessional~<em>

* * *

><p><em>Well, we have reached the end. Our sweet little lovers have finally reached the point of HEA. There will be an epilogue shortly and perhaps another one or two OS's when I feel the time is right. This story was meant to focus on finding love. Being able to give and receive that love unconditionally.<br>I'm very thankful for all of the wonderful comments and caring notes you all have left for me over the last twenty one chapters. It has been my extreme pleasure to bring you these perfectly flawed characters. I hope you all love them as much as I do._

_A very extra special thank you to **Mustlovertp**. I seriously don't think I would have finished this without you, girl. You've been a constant support and cheer leader through it all. Thank you so very much. I don't think I could ever repay the kindness you've shown me._


	22. Chapter 22

_It's like I never lived_

_Before my life with you_

_So much was missing here_

_I never even knew_

_I still picture the place we were_

_When I fell into your world_

_My heart is in you_

_Where you go, you carry me_

_I bleed_

_If you bleed_

_Your heart beats_

_Inside of me_

_You're keeping me alive_

_I don't know why I feel this way_

_But something's right_

_You're like the morning air_

_Before the light arrives_

_No more lonely and_

_No more night_

_No more secrets to hide_

_I'll hold you near_

_Together, we'll never die_

_Your love is keeping me alive_

"_Keeping Me Alive"  
>~The Afters~ <em>

* * *

><p>"Bell's, where are you?"<p>

I heard Edward's feet thumping up the stairs and before I could even answer, his lips pressed warm on my neck.

"I should have known." He leaned into me, resting his chin on my shoulder. "How's it coming along?"

I turned and kissed his scruffy cheek.

"It's coming along nicely, I think." I scanned the monitor and sighed quietly to myself. I was finally writing. Something I'd wanted to do forever. And not just a news article or a spread for a magazine, but my very first manuscript. I'd been at it for about six months. Edward had encouraged me to just go for it; follow my dreams. After a few months of therapy and finally using the correct medication, I was feeling like a new person. Gone were the absurd worries and daily struggles. I slept well, I ate well and felt like I could take on the world.

We'd moved into an amazing older home, built in 1909, a month after we got back from the infamous lake trip. It was a gorgeous two story home with a view of the Space Needle from my office window. Edward liked to spoil me, any chance he got.

"Well, how about I take my gorgeous girlfriend to dinner downtown?" He smiled and stood up.

I swiveled in my chair toward him, looking up into his handsome face. Stubble covered his jaw in a blonde-gold shimmer and his hair was overgrown and unruly, as always. He had his shirt rolled to his elbows and had most likely ditched his tie in the car as soon as he'd left the office.

"I could definitely use some food." I stood and reached up on tiptoes to kiss his chin, breathing in his soap and Edward scent. "Let me get changed and we can go."

**...**

Edward kept dinner casual. We strolled downtown, stopping at one of my favorite small sushi places and feasted like kings and queens. We toasted to love, friendship and everything wonderful that the future would bring us and our loved ones.

After dinner, Edward grabbed my hand and we walked further up the street, he stopped next to a garbage can and smiled at me. He paused for a moment and looked across the street, shaking his head. I was just getting ready to ask if he was okay when he started to speak.

"Bella, this last year has been the best of my life. I couldn't have asked for anything more than I've been given, but I'm going to anyway, because I want you to be mine. Forever." He shifted subtly, and my heart started to race like I was on speed.

_Oh shit. Oh my god. He's gonna do it. _

"When I saw you standing here, on this very curb, one year ago, my entire world turned upside down. Everything I had thought I'd known, believed in, capsized the moment you stumbled backwards in front of me and tripped on that garbage can."

My hands were shaking and the tears that were burning my eyes, threatened to cloud my vision and spill.

Edward moved to one knee in front of me, next to the garbage can and pulled out the most gorgeous square cut diamond ring I'd ever seen.

"Bella, you're my best friend. I love you and I want to be best friends forever. I want to grow old with you and have babies with you. I want to always wake up to your beautiful face on the pillow next to mine." He held the ring toward me.

"Isabella Marie Swan, will you marry me?"

**xOx**

"Bella! Earth to the bride!"

I shook my head and laughed.

"Sorry, Rose. Got lost there for a minute." I stared into the mirror, stunned by the woman I saw reflected back at me.

"Wow, Rose. You did good. Amazing." I reached to touch my hair and was immediately swatted.

"Do _not_ fuck up my good work, Bella." She sprayed half a can of hairspray on my head and smiled as I choked on the fumes.

"Are you trying to kill me with that crap? Holy shit." I sputtered.

She just laughed and started tossing all of her stuff back into a large bag.

"You ready to see your Prince Charming?"

I nodded. The nerves in my stomach were making me shake; I used a paper towel to wipe the sweat from my palms.

Edward and I had decided to do a 'First Look' photo session. We were going to exchange our own gifts privately before the ceremony. I was praying this would take some of the nerves away and I'd be able to make through the vows without puking on the front of my white silk dress.

I grabbed the small, flat gift box from the vanity and did one small spin for Rose who declared me gorgeous and smacked my butt, sending me on my way.

One of the two photographers was waiting for me in the hall, and smiled when she saw me.

"I hope you're really ready for this." I shook my gift box at her and she smiled.

"Totally ready. We're going to do everything just as discussed in the garden. I will escort you to the meeting spot and Edward will already be there. When you're ready, just give him the word to turn." She grabbed at her phone that buzzed and grinned at the screen. "As a matter of fact, the Groom is in position. Just waiting on his lovely Bride." She winked and together we walked toward the garden.

**...**

I stood quietly, staring at Edward's back. We had opted for a more casual wedding and he was wearing a white shirt, sleeves turned up to the elbows and a lightweight linen vest with matching pants. His hair waved in the breeze and every single ounce of nervous energy was immediately swept away. I was so ready to do this.

"Edward?"

He turned slowly and I absolutely lost my breath and all coherent thought. I flung myself into his arms, wrapping mine tightly around his neck.

His arm wrapped securely around my waist and one hand went to the back of my neck. He whispered into my shoulder.

"You are the most beautiful woman in the world, Bella, and I'm the luckiest man in the world."

We eventually separated and he handed me a small box.

"Just a little something." He smiled, placing it in my hand.

My eyes misted up when I opened it and found a small silver bracelet laying on soft white velvet. There were three charms dangling from the delicate metal. A camera, a heart and a garbage can.

I laughed and fought the tears.

"Thank you, Edward. This is the best gift." He helped me put it on right away.

"I'm glad you like it." He looked almost embarrassed and I laughed again, holding up my small package.

"For you."

He lifted the lid and pulled out the small card that rested on tissue paper.

_You are the love of my life. But that's not all that you are... _

He smiled up at me and opened the small square of paper that had my handwriting scrawled across it in purple ink.

_...you're also going to be a daddy_.

I watched him intently. He turned the card over, re-reading it, and then stared at me and then back at the card.

"Are you fucking with me, Bella? Because, why in the world would you fuck with me about this? Holy shit. Are you fucking with me?"

I laughed at his shocked expression.

"Nope. Not fucking with you, Edward."

His laughter filled the garden.

"Ohhh baby." He chuckled. "Literally." He leaned down to kiss me briefly before opening the rest of the box.

Inside was a plain white onesie with the words, 'I love my Daddy", written across the chest.

"Well shit, you just had to one up me on the gift giving, didn't you?" He held me tightly in his arms and we swayed quietly for a few moments before being reminded that we still had a ceremony to attend.

**...**

"I am proud to announce, for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen!"

We held hands and laughed together as we walked into the small reception hall to the cheers of our family and friends.

Jake's was the first smiling face I saw. He gave me a cheesy thumbs up and grinned. Next was Emmett, Rose and their sweet little girl, Zowie. I saw my parents, along with Edward's, huddled together laughing and chatting. It warmed my heart to have everyone that I loved in one place, celebrating the best day of my life.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I sent a silent prayer of thanks to Jasper. I wouldn't be where I was without him. I wouldn't have found Edward without him.

"We are going to start the evening off on the right foot. The Bride and Groom are going to have their first dance."

Edward swooped me gently up into his arms and we swayed back and forth the music playing.

"I can't believe we're a threesome." He murmured against my ear.

We had decided to wait a few weeks longer before telling the family. Let them come down from the wedding high, let us get through our honeymoon.

"Everything is going to be amazing, Edward. I can just feel it."

He cupped my face and smiled down at me, his emerald green eyes sparkling in the lights.

"Everything is going to be absolutely perfect, Mrs. Cullen, because we have love, faith and family." He looked up over my head and laughed. "And we have the best friends."

He turned me so that I was looking at Jake, Rose and Emmett. They were holding up a sign that read, "Tonight he'll get his".

"I couldn't imagine a better way to start our lives together." I smiled back at Edward and warmed when his hand discretely brushed across my stomach.

...

_Through the window_

_I see you waiting_

_You are smiling_

_Cause I'm coming_

_Your eyes are a story_

_An ocean of memories_

_Pictures of faces and places_

_And all of the things_

_That make us feel like we have it all_

_All of the times_

_That make us realize_

_We have it all  
>Life is beautiful<em>

"_Life is Beautiful"  
>~The Afters~<em>

* * *

><p><em>The End!<br>I would like to say a HUGE Thank You to everyone who has read Out of the Blue. Your words of encouragement and love always made my day.  
><em>

_A really big thank you to Mustlovertp. Like I always say, I don't think I would have gotten through this without your friendship._

_xOx_


End file.
